Now What?
I don’t know what I was thinking.
Sunday, after having gotten in from the airport and while I was doing laundry, alone in my big, empty house with not even my codependant dog to keep me company, I did something foolish. I posted on Craigslist.com. I blame Amber, a fellow blogger, for posting about her “social experiment”. It got me thinking, you see. I used to read Craigslist, on occasion, for laughs, and I always found myself pouring over the “Missed Connections” postings. Not that I ever really thought anyone would talk about me, per se, but I enjoyed the… Well, the romance of the idea that two people might connect this way. And, too, there was the thought that maybe I’d be able to help someone who was looking for a long-lost sibling or something.
That was what got me. The searching for those who we’ve lost. I shudder to think how long the idea of this had been running around inside my head, but Sunday afternoon, it finally came out. I posted looking for a long, lost college sweetheart. The One Who Got Away. Last I’d heard, she was in San Francisco working as a counsellor of some kind, so I posted there. I did it as a lark, really. I mean, in a city that large, even with a name as unusual as hers, I never thought I’d find her.
But, I did.
Now, suddenly, I find myself at a loss for words. It’s been nearly 20 years since I saw her and almost as long since I’ve spoken to her or written her. What do I say? Do I even follow through at all? Will she think I’m some kind of crazy stalker guy? Hell, will she even remember me? After all, it was only a couple of months back in college. It can’t possibly mean that much to her. It shouldn’t mean so much to me any more.
But, the truth is, I never stopped thinking about her. After every failed relationship since then, I’ve thought of her. After every bad date, I thought of her. Every time my failing marriage coughed a little more blood, I thought of her. But, will she remember me the same way? Will she remember me at all?
My hands sweat at the thought of it.
Oh, God, I have no idea what to do with this now…
Oh, yeah, before I forget, my mother knows about this blog now. I’m not sure that she’s actually read it, yet, but she knows where it is. She looked and sounded so hurt when I told her that my brother read it, but that I hadn’t given her the link that I just had to give in. So, let’s keep the language clean, ladies! 😉
you mean she actually read your post on craigslist? i thought that stuff never happened!
Comment by kat — 8/16/2006 @ 7:37 am
No, Kat, I should have been more clear. Someone she worked with about a year ago read the post and sent me her e-mail address. And, now, big, strong, tough guy that I am, the mere thought of writing and sending an e-mail makes my palms sweaty and my heart race.
Comment by the Network Geek — 8/16/2006 @ 9:30 am
Go for it, Jim!! I mean, if you DON’T, you’ll always wonder “what if???” Stop worrying about what she may or may not remember or feel. Maybe she WON’T remember like you did… but for what it’s worth, if some guy from my past contacted me saying he had fond memories and just wanted to reconnect, I’d be flattered and touched and definitely interested in at the very least talking again…
Good luck!!!
Comment by dasi — 8/16/2006 @ 4:40 pm
Paul said it best, “Hey Jude, don’t let me down. You have found her, now go and get her.”
Comment by tinyhands — 8/16/2006 @ 11:16 pm
Thanks, Dasi, that’s reassuring. I hope she’ll feel the same way. I sent her an e-mail last night, so, now, we’ll just have to wait and see what response I get, if any.
Thanks everyone for all the love and support, on and off the blog.
Comment by the Network Geek — 8/17/2006 @ 11:35 am