Marking Time
Watching the days roll by.
I’ve been reading a lot lately. Now that I have so much “extra” time to myself, I’ve been finding ways to fill it. I’ve read two books in the past two weeks, not to mention getting all my Christmas shopping done in time to send it all up North to Chicago. For a change, I should manage to get everything there in time! Yea for me!
Ah, the books, right… Well, I read Blood Sucking Fiends and Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom after giving up on a linguistics book. It was interesting and all, but with the upheaval in my life, it was just too much effort to read. So, I read some fiction that I’d had laying around. (Full reviews are over at my other blog.) Now, at the suggestion of my father, I’ve started reading On Death and Dying by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. I know, you’re asking yourself, “WTF?”, right? Well, it’s like this… My relationship with my wife is dying, or dead, and now, in a weird way, I’m mourning it and grieving over it. Sure, there was a lot wrong with our relationship, but it was still a major part of who I was and now it’s gone. As a result, I’m working through a process very much like the grief of a dying spouse. Except, of course, my future ex-wife is still very much alive. I hope she takes the time to mourn the death of what we had, too, but I doubt she will. I’m afraid that it will cause her pain later, but there’s nothing I can do about that. I never could take care of her, or rescue her, the way I wanted. That’s just one of the many things I’m working through during this period of grief.
It’s been an interesting holiday season so far. And, it promises to get more interesting before we’re done. So, while the days spool out, I’m just marking time until this phase of my life is completely dead and over. It’s a process, but it’s a process I have to live through. I’m glad that I’m self-aware enough these days to recognize that and pay attention to what’s going on.
