Playin’ Games
Here’s something I don’t miss.
Some time back, I wrote a post about what I miss most about not being in a relationship. But, that’s a ways behind me now and I’m finally looking at dating again. Making it through an evening without mentioning my ex-wife was a kind of watershed moment in that regard. I figured that no one would want to suffer through a date with me while I whined about my ex. But, as I get warmed up here, I started thinking about this post that Jill, from Jill Writes, did the other day. It stirred something in me, that clever post. (No, this is a family show, folks. That is not what it stirred!) But, it wasn’t until today that it occurred to me what it was that I didn’t miss about dating.
The Game.
Should I call or shouldn’t I? Did she look at me because my fly is open or because, as Doc says, I have “bedroom eyes”? Am I in her league? Is she in mine? What the devil is she thinking? What the heck was I thinking when I put this shirt on today, knowing that I’d see her? Wait, what did that eye contact mean? Was that a shy, little smile meant to draw me in? Or is my fly really open? Should I pretend to be cool? Or should I let her know that I’m into her? If I’m direct and forthright, will that scare her off? It has before, but will it this time? If I can get her phone number from the web, should I call? Or would that freak her out? If I ask her out via e-mail will she blow it off because it’s e-mail? Is that enough reason to call instead? I mean, I don’t want her to think I’m a stalker, but it would be easy enough for me to get her phone number from the web. It is, after all, part of what I do for a freakin’ living. I mean, look at the blog name, right? God, will you give me a sign about this please? No, I mean a bigger sign than that flashing one with the “Accident Ahead” message in lights. Is she trying to tell me something when she e-mails, but won’t call me? What the hell is she thinking?
Yeah, that little stream of consciousness ran through my head earlier this week.
So, here’s the thing. I hate playing this game, but what can I do? Is there a woman alive who believes that I’m really not looking to get her into bed? Honestly, that’s not my agenda. But, I guess it’s hard to believe that a guy like me is actually interested in who a woman is, what she thinks and how she feels. And, that really is all I’m looking for right now. Oh, sex would be nice, don’t get me wrong, but, honestly, it would be better to get to know someone first. You know, for a change, as opposed to how I met my ex-wife. Is that really such a hard thing to believe? Maybe it is.
Ladies, if a guy were to walk up to you on the street and ask to buy you a cup of coffee, and you found him reasonably attractive, would you bite? Er, I mean, would you say yes? Under what circumstances? What is the “safe” way for a guy to approach a woman he’s just met and ask her out?
God, I hate being clueless about this stuff! I hate the Game, but, worse, I hate not knowing the Rules. Anyone care to enlighten me?
I hate the game too. And you’re right, we don’t want to know how evil your ex was. I have an ex and I know he doesn’t own all the blame. I think the only real rule is to be yourself. If it’s to be it will be. It’s also important that you really know what it is you are looking for, that way you will know when to walk away. And I truly hope you don’t find a coward who is too afraid to say what she really means. Good luck! (p.s.which watch?)
Comment by Cheri — 1/14/2006 @ 9:51 pm
Oh, hey, I don’t blame her. She’s crazy, but, then, I wasn’t really all there, either, when I met her. It’s a dance that takes two!
As for “which watch”, I’m not sure five votes are enough to decide.
Comment by the Network Geek — 1/15/2006 @ 10:51 am
One would think that we (men and women) were at battle. Take it up a level, we’re all human. Act yourself, play your own life role. You’ll find her. You’ll know what to say. It will have nothing to do with returned email timeliness or phone calls made too soon or not made at all. It’ll just be the rhythm.
Comment by Alison — 1/15/2006 @ 12:30 pm
Your comments reminded me of a quote from the movie WarGames:
Joshua (the computer): A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?
I love you, in the most Platonic sense of the word, for your blog, your comments, for your dog, and for taking the time. Thank you.
Comment by the Network Geek — 1/15/2006 @ 2:32 pm
I get the discovery part. Let’s just leave sex out of this equation for a while. It’s the way I found myself and how I found the man. It was all about voice and text. Nothing more and nothing less. You know this is a society based on *I want it now! and miss the details along the way. As said, if you’re playing games, you’re on the wrong field.
Comment by Deirdre — 1/15/2006 @ 2:40 pm
Hey, I love you, too, Deirdre, for the same reasons.
The “Game” is one being played all in my head. I think that’s what my therapist has been trying to tell me for the past several months. Poor man.
Thank you.
Comment by the Network Geek — 1/15/2006 @ 3:09 pm
Ont t’adore aussi. Merci pour le sentiment.
Comment by Deirdre — 1/15/2006 @ 3:53 pm