What’s Up With That?
Damn, I could really use a cigarette.
So, the other day, I’m talking with my therapist and he points out an interesting “coincidence”. The women who appreciate me most are all pretty well unavailable. Damn if he’s not right. Let me break it down.
First, there are the married women. Mostly, the unhappily married women, or at least married women who seem to be missing something in their marriage that I seem to have, or so they think. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m in touch with my feelings and can actually express them. Maybe it’s that I’m not obsessed with sports or some other distracting hobby, other than blogging, of course. Maybe it’s just that I pay attention to them, while their partners, who see them every day, don’t. Maybe it’s just that they don’t know me.
Damn, I could really use a cigarette.
Then, of course, there are the divorced women. Sure, they’re available, but, they either have no time for me or they fall into the next demographic group. Again, I think all the same things apply from the first. The divorced women who find me interesting, I think, must see in me everything that their ex-husbands were not. At least, I hope that’s it and, hey, it’s a working theory until one of them straightens me out, right?
Damn, I could really use a cigarette.
Next, there are all the nice, young, attractive women in distant lands. Anywhere from Oklahoma to New York to Denver to the Phillipines to Japan. Anywhere, in short, that’s too damn far to drive to from Houston. Now, really, I did not start this blog almost six years ago looking to “hook up”, okay? I started the whole thing as a marketing ploy to boost my ranking in Google. It worked, too. But, along the way, I got married, then divorced, and found myself with a largely female readership. At the time, I thought it was great. A lovely turn of events. Turns out, not so much. So many of the most interesting women were all, well, rather unreachable. Not out of my league, or anything so narrow-minded or self-limiting as all that, but out of my reach geographically. Yeah, great. So, the girls in far off places think I “look fine” and write well and have interesting hobbies or whatever. That’s great, but I don’t exactlly get to the Phillipines for coffee, you know?
Damn, I could really use a cigarette.
And, really, this is not for lack of trying here, kids. I have tried to find someone local. Really. Stepped way, way, way outside my comfort zone to ask out ladies from on-line. Tried the Bookstore Method more than once, but with similar results. Even looked around at church, but, as I told someone via e-mail, I “love the Lord” and everything, but, well, I don’t think I want to double-date with Him, you know? I’m sure that whole “water-to-wine” trick is great at parties, but, crown of thorns sort of puts people off. Anyway, it just seems to me like the more available a woman is, the less interested she is in me.
So, anyone care to tell me where I’m making my mistakes? What am I doing wrong here?
Damn, I could really use a cigarette.
Stay strong on the cigarette thing. Take Hilda for a walk or go for a drive. Or … I don’t know. Something to get your mind off the cigarettes. Hang in there! It’s worth it!
Comment by Orion — 2/5/2006 @ 2:31 pm
I’ve wanted a smoke since the day I quit.
1. If you think the blog is doing you in, you’re dead wrong.
The whole premise of a blog is to unload, explode, expose or communicate at some level with some people with some general intersts in your own. My personal opinion.
2. We are faceless, almost traceless and yes, some married, some unavail and some, just curious about what makes a man tick from atop his shoulders.
3. You too need mediocre friends, don’t you? You’ve been in a bd place, you’ve written about it countless times and what, you expect men to read and write you back? Stop being so naive about this.
4. You come off as a friend without fringe benefits or other ideas, or for the most part that is and so perhaps your idea of friend is a wee bit squewed.
5. You’ve been divorced for how long? Do you really expect to meet anyone at a *performing level while you still hang on to such hatred and belittlement of your former?
JIM!
If you want a woman to want you and be with you via this medium, then at the very least, begin with letting go of your hate for your ex. I’m kinda sorta certain that if I found myself out on a date with you, while knowing your blog, the shit would come up.
If you are so addicted to the computer, then what happened to match.com?
What happened to human friends setting you up?
What happened to your New Years Resolution to start *physically meeting other people through people?
What happened to just being a regular person.
And lastly: Can you fix your comment box so that it doesn’t run into your right nav text?
and…. smile.
Comment by Deirdre — 2/5/2006 @ 9:05 pm
Wow, I didn’t realize I come off as that bitter about the ex. I don’t feel that bitter. At least, not that I’m aware of…
Don’t misunderstand me, I DO like having friends, especially friends of the opposite sex, which have been in short supply, it’s just that, well, I wish I could figure out what they see that the more local, more dateable, women don’t seem to see. And, hey, one resolution at a time, okay? It’s just February and I’m working on it! 😉
Comment by the Network Geek — 2/5/2006 @ 9:12 pm
Stop thinking about the cancer sticks.
Comment by Mark — 2/6/2006 @ 6:32 am
Wow…
Stop thinking of the cigs. lol 😉
You’re an easily likeable person imo. Divorces & relationships can take longer sometimes to heal from.
What do I know though right?
Comment by Blondie — 2/7/2006 @ 12:06 am
Well, here’s my thought. Yeah, I probably talk about the ex-wife a lot. For one thing, for nine out of the past ten years, she was the entire focus of my life. Everything I did, or didn’t do, was pretty much all about her. Then, if I try and drop it, someone else brings it up again, or she and her new husband start stalking my blog visitors or something, and, there I am again, talking about the ex-wife. A guy just can’t win, can he?
Comment by the Network Geek — 2/7/2006 @ 6:09 am
Wow! I was looking at links on the Houston Chronicle’s opinion page and found your blog. I’ll have to go back and read older posts, but I loved the bookstore post.
I’d love to say that the cancer stick cravings will go away, but 4 years later I’m still barely hanging on. As for Houston area ladies, good luck. I have the unfortunate luck of being a newly single, 30yo female in the B/CS area…I’m surrounded by 18-22yo boys. *sigh* Not good. I feel your pain. I can’t wait to move back to the east coast.
Comment by Heather — 2/7/2006 @ 8:40 am
Hey, no kidding? The Chronicle? Cool! What was I saying? I never go to the Chronicle at all, so, someone must be talking about me there. Wow, I can feel my ego inflating! 😉
Comment by the Network Geek — 2/7/2006 @ 8:42 am
🙂 It was your “Modern Love: A Survival Guide” post. There’s a link to it in today’s online edition. I believe that the link to your blog will then go into a “blogs we’ve linked to” drop down menu in the future.
Comment by Heather — 2/7/2006 @ 8:58 am
I actually didn’t think you sounded all that bitter about your ex~I’ve heard worse, sometimes on a first date.
And I decided a long time ago that men who blog are generally able to carry on a decent conversation, keep me interested, and make me laugh moreso than men who don’t.
I don’t know if you ‘look fine’, but you ‘write fine’, so that’s why I come here.
Plus I was hoping you’d put out for a cigarette. 😉
But then again, I live in Oklahoma, so my choices are somewhat limited either way. 😉
Comment by aka_monty — 2/10/2006 @ 10:43 pm
You know, AKA_Monty, if it’s a clove cigarette, I might just.
I’m a poor judge of my own value, either physically or mentally, so I appreciate the complementary critique. Of course, like all things, opinions vary. 😉
Comment by the Network Geek — 2/11/2006 @ 12:38 am