“Lunch…”
“…is just lunch.”
Sigmund Freud is famously quoted as having told a reporter that “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”, when questioned about his oral fixation. I’m not sure that anyone believed that, either.
So, my chief concern about C. at work has played out. The sharks have gotten a taste of blood in the water. She’s been asked out to a limited invitation Christmas party at work. A party to which I am not invited, but which is tonight, so this is all very last minute. The rumor mill reported that bit of information to me by starting off with the introductory statement, “Man, everyone is trying to get into C.’s pants.” That was followed with a brief description of the invite, which was, naturally, accepted.
As I was on my way out to lunch, it was quiet enough at her desk that I stopped and told her that I’d heard she was a “popular girl”. Her eyes got wide and the most charming blush rose to her cheeks as she asked me what I’d heard. I told her the essence of it, but left out the somewhat off-color remarks. Interestingly enough, her blush deepened and she felt the need to explain to me.
“Remember, lunch is just lunch,” she said.
“Yes, I know, but not everyone sees it that way,” I replied.
“Well, you know my situation…”
“Yes. Yes, I do. I’m just saying.” It’s hard to describe the look she gave me there. It’s not that she was asking if it was okay or if my feelings were hurt or anything quite like that, but it did seem important to her that I understand her intent. I’m still not quite sure what to make of it, honestly. I think I’m flattered, but I’m a little confused. “But, now you see why I was being so careful not to feed the rumor mill.”
She didn’t really respond to that, but I think a small sigh managed to leak out. Interestingly enough, later in the day C. was walking by my office and actually came back to silently mouth to me that she wasn’t going after all. Then, she was off again before I could find out why. And, of course, work isn’t the best place to talk about that anyway. The problem is, it’s a small company and word travels fast. Worse, it’s a small company made up primarily of men, many of whom aren’t even as evolved as I am, which ought to give you some idea of just how much testosterone poisoning there is. So, when an attractive, young woman shows up, well, let’s just say that the behavior changes are quite noticeable.
The sad thing is C. is far more than just a pretty face. She’s very sweet and very concerned about the people around her. She’s also, I think, pretty perceptive. Certainly, she’s a lot smarter than she gives herself credit for being. She’s certainly a very sensitive person who’s very aware of the feelings of people around her. She’s a good mother, too, from what I hear. She’s always very concerned about her children. In fact, I wonder how many of the sharks at work understand that getting involved with her means getting involved with her kids and ex-husband. At least, if any guy plans to stick around long enough to have a real relationship with her that’s what it would include.
Look, don’t misunderstand, she is a pretty girl and I’m sure if we “hooked up” the heavens would sing and angels would weep and all that, but… But, let’s face it, I’m of an age when I really should be looking for something more than that. I could, theoretically, cruise bars or bookstores or whatever for a weekend’s worth of physical diversion, but how empty and soul-crushing would that be? I just wish I could figure out how to get her talking about herself in a safe way, away from work. C. is absolutely fascinating to me. No matter how hard I try to ignore that, I feel drawn back to her like iron filings to a magnet. And, honestly, it’s been a while since I’ve really felt that way.
All of which frightens me a bit.
You know, it’s hard being a cynic who’s also a closet romantic.
Now, I’m sure this will make LK less than happy when she reads it, but, then she took off at a dead run for Denver and only told me afterward and life goes on. Anyway, I’m really into this woman and I’d rather not mess it up before it even gets started. I rarely ask my blog readers for help in my personal life, but, these are extenuating circumstances.
So, ladies, any advice about what to do, or not do, so I don’t blow this?
It’s likely that she accepted the invitation to go to the Christmas party because she saw it as an opportunity to get to know some of her colleagues outside work parameters, and the person who extended that invitation was just the proverbial “foot in the door”. When you brought to her attention that the rumor mill was all a buzz about it, she was most likely quite embarrassed by the conclusions others were making and decided that the outcomes she hoped for were not worth the risks, and chose to decline. I think she cares too much about what others think, and so do you.
Sometimes a crush is just a crush. They can be fun and exhilarating (I know, I’ve mastered the art of crushing on unsuspecting men), but they can be heartbreaking too, especially if you never find the courage to act on them. Timing has it’s place, and we love it when it happens all by itself, but more often than not we have to make our own timing. Let her know how you feel. If it isn’t to be you’ll at least know to get on with your life. If your feelings are reciprocated, well, I don’t have to tell you about that.
You don’t have to rush into anything. You should give it some serious thought. You could be making her out to be something she isn’t in your mind. But, you shouldn’t wait too long, she might be exactly what you are hoping she is.
Comment by Cheri — 12/22/2006 @ 9:35 am
P.S. She knows exactly how her short skirts effect the men around her. She is a pretty and smart woman after all.
Comment by Cheri — 12/22/2006 @ 9:36 am
Well, Cheri, I can’t speak for her, but I know I’m far too concerned with what the people around me think. I’m afraid it’s the product of my middle-class upbringing. Try as I might, I still have a hard time working through that. But, don’t discount how miserable life can be at the wrong end of the gossip mongers in a small company. I know, I’ve both seen it and experienced it. It can turn a job into a living hell in short order.
I’ll tell you, though, I asked her what the story was about the cancellation, but never got an answer. There could be another explanation. She is, after all, a single mother, so she might not have been able to find a sitter.
What bothered me, I think, was that it didn’t occur to me until well afterward, that I might have been jealous. I certainly wasn’t consciously sabotaging anything, but, well, my subconscious is a tricky devil.
As for the rest, I have given it some serious thought. Sometimes, there is just someone that pulls you in for reasons that are hard to explain. It’s not a crush. A crush is what I have on you, and Sass, and Jill, and… Well, you get the idea. I know it’ll never be realized. This, however, is something alltogether different. I’ve set wheels in motion, but it is an agonizingly slow business, this courtship ritual.
Comment by the Network Geek — 12/22/2006 @ 10:00 am