Too Many Readers
Too many people read my blog.
Too many people I know, too many people I care about, too many people who care about me. In the early days of this blog, eight years ago, all I wanted was readers. Now, all I worry about is who’s reading. Since I started this blog, we’ve added “Dooced” to our vocabulary. We live in a world where potential dates Google each other to see what’s on their Facebook or MySpace pages. And, now, I’m much more careful about what I write. I’m afraid to rant about the English gits, er, fine gentlemen from the UK, that I work with, in case they happen to be reading. I don’t say everything that I might otherwise about women I’ve dated, or even my ex-wife.
So, poor me, right? So many people read my blog that I’m worried about how I’ll come across, who I might offend. I fret over little things like not getting to far away from who I am, or who I think people perceive me to be, lest I overly disturb their sense of how I fit with them and the world. Yeah, what a terrible burden I bear. Ha.
So, I’ve talked about starting another blog, a creative blog, that’s not so closely associated with my professional life, with me. Something where I can experiment on the screen and go mental and emotional and creative places that I feel too stifled to go here. The Super Secret Creative Project of Doom. It keeps me awake at nights, like tonight, and gnaws at me like the Midgard Serpent gnaws at the roots of the Tree of Life. And, even as I write things like that, I feel the teenage angst that’s been sent off to French boarding school and grown up into upper middle-class ennui, like I should be wearing a black beret and smoking clove cigarettes.
So, where’s the drug that’s supposed to help me? The clove cigarettes don’t take the edge off any more and the single-malt Scotch doesn’t help me sleep. So, what’s a guy to do at 1:00 A.M. when my mind is racing, but the track is a tight circle that’s getting ever smaller and muddier?
What’s there to do but blog?
Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones."
--Phillips Brooks
ahh I hate when I get those feelings of wanting to run and hide from my blogg.
Comment by Fiona — 6/18/2008 @ 7:47 am
When those times happen and it’s a sleepless night I write. I write with a vengeance. It might not be anything of value but you might be surprised by that one paragraph that makes it worth missing the sleep you so disparately need 🙂
I know what you mean about the blog though. I took your advice and started one back in march and then found out my 11 year old goddaughter was reading it. Lets just say I’m careful about content and language, 🙂
Comment by Jenn — 6/18/2008 @ 7:59 am
Already today, one of the “fine gentlemen from the UK” stopped by my desk all concerned that he shouldn’t be reading my blog as it might smother my creativity and writing. After a bit of joking, I reminded him that this was, in fact, on the Internet where anyone could read it, so, no worries. In fact, a number of years ago, when this blog was just a few slim paragraphs, I spent a lot of time making it easy to find on the search engines so that people *could* find it and read it.
So, yes, I am careful about what I write, how I write, and about whom I write it, but my rule of thumb is based on trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings or be overly rude, nothing more than that, really. And, honestly, I’d be doing that no matter what. It’s just that, some days, it makes it hard to find something worth writing about! 😉
Comment by the Network Geek — 6/18/2008 @ 9:18 am
I, too, know what you mean. I have never really tried to get readers, and I really don’t have that many regular readers, and fewer yet that aren’t lurkers. Still, I find myself toning down what it is I want to say because I’m afraid of hurt feelings and possible family tensions. I don’t really want to start a new blog because I like the one I have. I just want to stop being so afraid to say it as I see it!
Comment by Cheri — 6/18/2008 @ 9:55 am