Blog Confessor
“Forgive me, blog, it’s been… Well, a long time.”
Wow, my blogging has been really sketchy here the past couple of months. There are reasons. Lots and lots of reasons. First, of course, would be my no-longer-pregnant-friend’s-wife being, uh, no longer pregnant. Did I tell you they named the baby after me? Well, his middle name is my first name. And, he’s an angel. Also, I heard yesterday, he was circumcised, which means statistically he’ll be more likely to recieve oral sex as an adult. So, you know, he’s got that going for him.
But, I’ve had a few other things that have kept me from blogging as much, or being as personal, too.
For one thing, I’ve been depressed. Not in the “holy-jeebus-I-can’t-stand-living-anymore” way, but a kind of low-level, unmotivated, anti-social, why-can’t-I-ever-get-enough-sleep sort of way that makes doing more than day-to-day living a little difficult. Funny thing about that, though, is a couple of weeks ago I finally broke down and saw the therapist who got me through my divorce a couple years back. Well, I suppose that’s not funny, but what he said was. After talking to him for about 20 minutes, he suggested I go see my cardiologist about changing my high-blood-pressure medication. After listening to some of the symptoms of my depression, like insomnia, mood-swings, irritibility, a general anti-social bent, terrible short-term memory, among others, and connecting that with new medication I started taking while I was getting chemotherapy, he related a tale of personal woe to me that had me covinced in no time that I needed to make a cardiologist appoinitment. So, I have one Thursday afternoon. It took more than two weeks to get in to see this guy, because he’s got that good a reputation. Hopefully, that will bode well for changing my meds. Can you imagine, though? Two years of insomnia may have all been caused by side-effects of medication that I was ignoring. Amazing.
Of course, some of my depression and what not is due to other things, but I think a lot of it is a side-effect of that insomnia. The funny thing is, it all starts to reinforce itself. So my messy house that I never have the energy to clean, makes me even more depressed and makes it harder for me to get the energy to clean. All the projects that I want to start, including that other mystery blog, take more energy than I feel I have, which makes me more depressed and hard on myself, which, in turn, saps more energy away on useless recriminations and feelings of depression. It’s a viscious circle.
But, I hope that will change soon.
Of course, staying up late to write this probably hasn’t helped, so now I’m off to bed. Ciao!
Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"Unhappiness is in not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it."
--Don Herold
