All My Exes Have Left Texas
It sounds corny, like a line from a Country song, but it’s true.
If I were a superstitious man, I’d be a little worried about the fact that my last two relationships have driven women from the state. Thankfully, I’m not. Actually, in a way, it’s convenient. After all, I never have to worry about accidentally bumping into one of them while I’m out and about. That’s comforting, in a strange way.
But, I was more or less friendly with the most recent one after the breakup. Obviously, I’m not talking about the Queen of the Damned here. And, no, it’s not that I miss the home-made, from scratch, mind you, apple pie. Oh, I do miss it, but that’s not the point! With that one, I’d sort of hoped I could finally have one ex-girlfriend that I actually was on speaking terms with and not some kind of blood feud. (And, yes, I was talking about the Queen of the Damned there, in case she’s reading this.)
So, if you’re reading this, sweet, adorable, Super-Fancy-Dog-Cookie-Business-Owner-Girl-Who-Baked-Me-That-Wonderful-Apple-Pie, know that when I sent that friend request on Facebook, it wasn’t with the hope of a booty-call. No, it wasn’t even in hopes of getting an other delicious pie out of you. Rather, it was about having one person who had been in a relationship with me that didn’t spit and curse me under her breath when she heard my name now that it’s over. It was about a little hope for me as a human-being, that maybe, just maybe, someone, somewhere has a fond memory or two of me.
(Okay, it also may have been a little about the pie. But, c’mon, that was fantastic pie and it had stars and big bits of raw sugar all over the top of it!)
And, if any of my other exes find me through this blog post, just assume I miss you terribly, too, and I’d send you a friend request on Facebook if I knew you were there.
You can trust me on that.
Honest.
Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"Never tell your girlfriend that her diet's not working."
