Diary of a Network Geek

No, really. Stop laughing! I’m serious!
Yeah, okay, I put on a tough-guy act a lot of the time, but I’m not. Really, I’m just a big coward. The other day, I got so freaked out about being alone in the house that I loaded up my .357 and put it in the electronic gun safe. (It’s one that I can use a key-code to open in case of emergency.) It’s sitting next to my bed. Right next to the sword. And the knives. Hmmm, I see a theme here. Now, you’d think that a guy who has all those “weapons” is some kind of maniac, right? Nope. He’s a coward.
Why is he a coward? Well, why, in a nice neighborhood where there’s never, ever been any trouble would a brave man need any protection like that? Right, he doesn’t. I have all that stuff because it makes me feel more courageous. More noble, somehow, in spite of how odd that sounds even to me. But, it’s true. I haven’t been in a fight since the Fifth Grade, though I got a little roughed up in my Sophmore year in High School once for running my smart mouth. So, why have I spent so much time learning about self-defence? Why did I take a college course on karate, taught by two somewhat psycho ex-Green Beret ‘Nam vets, no less? Why have I read countless books on hand-to-hand combat and knife-fighting? For pity’s sake, why did I let another ‘Nam vet teach me how to throw knives in the basement garage of the Hyatt Regency Chicago?!?
Simple. I wanted to make my Dad proud of me. My Dad grew up on the South Side of Chicago before and during the Depression. Yeah, he’s that old. I grew up hearing phrases like “It’s not how much dog there is in the fight, it’s how much fight there is in the dog. Be the dog with the most fight.” And, “Being tough is mental, not physical. Be more mentally tough than the next guy and you’ll be okay.” And, I heard stories about my Dad’s time in the Army. Violent stories about bar fights and big guys named “Swede” and “Moose”. Somehow from all that, I got that my Dad wanted me to be tough, not sensitive. And, really, that’s what I am: a sensitive artist. Well, a wanna-be artist, at least.
So, all this time, I’ve been working to be something that I don’t even truly understand. Along the way, I developed some calluses on both my body and my heart. I did get a little tougher, but that happens to everyone. Though, I have to admit that I’m surprised I can go for five minutes on my heavy-bag bare-knuckle, even today. Until this week, I don’t think I’ve hardly touched a punching bag since before I moved down from Chicago. But, those calluses are still there. Sometimes, people don’t understand those calluses. They think that makes me a tough guy, or a dangerous guy, but it doesn’t really. Just a guy who got a little lost and confused while trying to make his Dad proud.

You know what the funny thing is? I never really had to do anything. I thought I had to do something to show my Dad that I was a man, but I didn’t. Dad was always proud of me, even if I am a cream puff.

I drove through the old neighborhood tonight.
Seeing as how I’m from the North suburbs of Chicago, it seems a little odd to me that I even have an old neighborhood in Houston, but I do. I ran down by the Galleria to take care of some errands, and go to a support group that I’ve been attending for the past three years. Traffic was bad on the way down, so I quickly diverted from 290 to 610 North and ran down Ella to T. C. Jester, past the old apartment, neatly avoiding a bunch of construction and an accident. Then, on the way home, they had several entrance ramps blocked off, so I zipped over to Memorial and again drove through the old neighborhood back to 610 and on to 290 and home. Home.
It felt odd driving alone through the old neighborhood, past Cavatore and Northwest Memorial where I passed my kidney stone, then going home to that empty house. I’m all at odds and ends, trying to find myself again. Lost in a city that’s not mine and not able to return to a city that was, but is so different now that it will never be mine again. I’m like a fly trapped in amber. Stuck. No going forward, yet, and no going back, ever. Just stuck. I find myself on the edge of tears, but not quite able to get over the brink and let them flow. Too much to do for me to get weepy and nostalgic now. And over what? Nothing, really. Just a time that, one day, I hope I will look back on and smile. One day.

Watching the days roll by.

I’ve been reading a lot lately. Now that I have so much “extra” time to myself, I’ve been finding ways to fill it. I’ve read two books in the past two weeks, not to mention getting all my Christmas shopping done in time to send it all up North to Chicago. For a change, I should manage to get everything there in time! Yea for me!
Ah, the books, right… Well, I read Blood Sucking Fiends and Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom after giving up on a linguistics book. It was interesting and all, but with the upheaval in my life, it was just too much effort to read. So, I read some fiction that I’d had laying around. (Full reviews are over at my other blog.) Now, at the suggestion of my father, I’ve started reading On Death and Dying by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. I know, you’re asking yourself, “WTF?”, right? Well, it’s like this… My relationship with my wife is dying, or dead, and now, in a weird way, I’m mourning it and grieving over it. Sure, there was a lot wrong with our relationship, but it was still a major part of who I was and now it’s gone. As a result, I’m working through a process very much like the grief of a dying spouse. Except, of course, my future ex-wife is still very much alive. I hope she takes the time to mourn the death of what we had, too, but I doubt she will. I’m afraid that it will cause her pain later, but there’s nothing I can do about that. I never could take care of her, or rescue her, the way I wanted. That’s just one of the many things I’m working through during this period of grief.
It’s been an interesting holiday season so far. And, it promises to get more interesting before we’re done. So, while the days spool out, I’m just marking time until this phase of my life is completely dead and over. It’s a process, but it’s a process I have to live through. I’m glad that I’m self-aware enough these days to recognize that and pay attention to what’s going on.

Actually, this happened more than a week ago.

She passed away on August 24, according to her website. I heard about it via a blog just yesterday. If you’re not familiar with her, she’s the one responsible for the Five Stages of Death and Dying. She was an interesting character who contributed quite a bit to the psychological community, even though she developed a bit of an odd reputation at the end there.
I present this as a “Personal” entry because my father worked with her. Most folks don’t know about it, but the “legwork”, so to speak, for her book On Death Dying was done through a hospital chaplaincy program. A lot of her work involved administering surveys and questionaires to hospital chaplains who were working with people that were in the process of grieving. My father was one of the people who helped make that happen. One of the two, in fact. As memory serves, he was working for the AMA in a religious capacity. Something to do with morality and ethics in medicine, as well as the religious components contained therein. In any case, it’s one of those personal anecdotes that my father has collected over the years. I hope I’ll have a few one day.

(Well, I already do. Sometime I’ll have to write about how I met the #4 boss in the Chicago “Family”. Or, Milton Erickson, for that matter. And, even how I exchanged e-mail with the inventor of ping, Mike Muuss.)

Okay, so it’s not so much fun as funny.

Hey, look, the pickin’s are mighty slim on fun things for network geeks, so I’m forced to turn to funny op ed pieces. (Hint: If anyone has suggestions, I’m willing to check the link!) Anyway, this little number from Slate, compares loansharks to those paycheck/payday loan places. Frighteningly enough, the author makes a fairly good case for legalizing loansharks and outlawing the payday loan places!
Now, trust me, I’m from Chicago so I know from loansharks, okay? But, I’d rather be into them than pay the rates on those payday loans! Anyway, it’s a funny article, though it’s a sad subject.

I’ll try for something better next week, I promise!

I got an interesting phone call yesterday…

It seems that I’m so popular a hit on Google for “CNE Resume” that now people are asking me to help them find CNEs in other cities. A poor, frustrated small-business owner called me yesterday, out of the blue at my day-job, looking for help finding a CNE in Dallas. First of all, I was suprised to get that kind of call at my work. I guess she traced me down by way of my resume and the helpfull operator at my job. Anyway, she had apparently been looking for someone to come in and help her get something done on her network, but couldn’t find anyone. What’s more, she seemed to be having trouble getting through to the Novell sales office in Dallas. In any case, I wasn’t able to help her much, since everyone I know who’s a CNE is in Houston these days, and maybe back in Chicago. I’ve lost touch with everyone in Dallas that I used to know from Harbor Financial.
So, I finally got her connected to the Novell website Partner Locator. That seemed to pull up a number of options that might work for her. I felt really bad for her because there really aren’t too many good resources for people in her position. Maybe that’s why so many small business seem to favor Micro$oft these days? Maybe this is an opportunity Novell to get some market pentration… You know, if they started to market to the smaller businesses and encouraged the smaller IT consulting firms to have CNEs on staff to support them, maybe Novell would get into some markets that they hadn’t thought of before. Maybe…

So, you CNEs out there, if you want to be seen, join the CNE Resume Webring! It really could get you noticed!

Well, I hope she got her help. Good luck!

in Australia.

Well, according to this article on AustraliaIT, you go to the National Public Toilet Map. No, really. Stop laughing.
Okay, the only thing that’s sad about this is: A) that government funds are being used and B) it’s happening in Australia not the US. People we need a national map of public toilets in these United States. Ah, well, I guess I can’t hold it against the Aussies for getting it done before we do. After all, they’ve got those huge highways!

Oh, and as this is posting, we’re on the way to the airport to catch a plane to Chicago. It’s Mom and Dad’s 50th wedding anniversary and all the kids are coming in, so that means we’re flying up. We’ll be back on Monday, and I’ll be off work all next week, so postings will be strange indeed.
Enjoy your weekend!

The tides of change are lapping at the “offshore”.

At least, according to this article on YahooNews, IBM is catching a lot of flack from both employees and politicians for their plan to move a significant number of programming jobs “offshore”. They don’t specify where, but they won’t be jobs for Americans. But, I see this as a good sign.
First, politicians are finally starting to take notice of their constituant’s problems and concerns. This has been going on for quite a while now, but not too many folks have been willing to speak out about it, much less do anything about it.
Second, IBM is getting pressure, both political and social, to change their policy. This, in my opinion, is the way to handle these issues. Social pressure, economic pressure and political pressure can all be brought to bear on these decisions. We, the American Workers, can influence this stuff. And we should.
And, third, there’s been talk of an IT union again. Now, I grew up in Chicago, so I know about unions and some of the problems that can go with them, but… But, once upon a time, unions protected the American Worker from business and politics that would have chewed them up and spat them out. So, even though I’m not a big fan of unions, maybe it’s time for one.

In any case, it’s a great article and it does show that we can make a difference!

Well, it looks like I’ll be a Road Warrior again.

At least, to a lesser degree. I got word this week that I’ll be doing some travelling for Loomis Fargo & Co. It’s nothing real complicated, just a PC upgrade, but they’ve got a deadline of September 15. Frankly, that deadline is somewhat artificial, but, still, it’s good motivation to get everything done.
I’ll be going to the Chicago area first, later this month, then I’ll be back off to New Orleans in September. I have to admit, it will be nice to see Mom and Dad back in Chicago for dinner at least once while I’m there. And, I’ve never actually stayed in New Orleans, just the airport, so I’m looking forward to that, too. Maybe I’ll finally get my “voodoo rattle” that I’ve been joking about since I got into IT!
In any case, I don’t really like business travel, but at least I’m going to major cities. And, of course, I’ll get paid fairly well for my trouble because I’m still a contractor, so I punch a clock. Anyhow, you can bet you’ll see entries about being on, and from, the road.
Stay tuned!

It’s another grey day in Houston.

Really, “winter” in Houston is just a long string of grey, rainy days piled up one on top of the other. But, it’s warm, and it hasn’t been too rainy this season. I’d actually prefer snow to rain. Sure, I don’t have to shovel rain, but I can stand on snow, at least until it melts into slush. And, I can’t make “rain balls” or build a “rain man” in the front yard. I suppose it’s nice to be able to walk outside barefoot on Christmas Eve, but I’m still a Chicago boy at heart. And, I miss snow. It just doesn’t feel like Christmas without snow. And having a palm tree in the back yard doesn’t help much either.
At least I don’t get sick as much down here. Okay, sure, I know that being in the cold doesn’t really contribute to catching a cold, but still, I think I get sick less down here. Though, I do seem to have started getting sinus infections instead of colds. Ah, the joys of hayfever.
And, I don’t hardly need to invest in long-sleeved shirts. For about 90% of the year, short-sleeved golf-shirts work just fine for me. Unless I’m getting dressed up in a suit. Then, long-sleeved, white shirts are a must, no matter the weather. But, for the rest of the time, short-sleeves work just fine. Though, I miss my winter coats. I only get to wear them for about a week or ten days. Then, it’s back to windbreakers for me. My wife and step-daughter are bundled up most of the time, but they grew up in this warm climate and it’s thinned their blood. I hope that never happens to me.

I miss winter.