Diary of a Network Geek

Hellboy2

Originally uploaded by Network Geek

I saw Hellboy 2: The Golden Army on Saturday.

I have to admit, I was a little disappointed in this movie. I’d been anticipating it since it was announced and really looking forward to seeing more of the Hellboy franchise, but this turned out to be just another bland sequel.
I felt like the special effects were the entire point of the film. Well, that and all the merchandising opportunities. The director, Guillermo del Toro, who also directed the first Hellboy movie, was one of the writers on this script, and I think his influence shows. Sadly, that’s not a compliment. Del Toro is also well known for directing the brilliant Pan’s Labyrinth which featured bizarre and fanciful creatures as much as the story or cinematography. There are large sequences in Hellboy 2 that feel like they were included in the movie strictly to show off some strange creature or character that would make a good model or action figure to sell a fanboy. In fact, the entire plot device of a “goblin market” under the Brooklyn Bridge seems created for this purpose of having creatures resembling leftovers from Pan’s Labyrinth.

But, I’m getting just a little ahead of myself. The basic plot of this sad offering is that an ancient race of fairies who has been at war with humans make an unstoppable, mechanical army constructed of gold and magic. After a brutal war that shocked even the fey king, the crown that controlled the Golden Army was broken into three pieces, one of which was given to humans as part of a kind of non-aggression pact. Fast forward a few centuries and mankind has forgotten about this war and the Golden Army, but the prince of the fairies, Prince Nuada, played by Luke Goss, has not. What’s more, he wants to waken the Golden Army and break the peace with mankind, conquering them and returning his people to dominance over the Earth. So, yeah, end of the world, blah, blah, blah. Naturally, his sister, Princess Nuala, played by Anna Walton, stands in his way and runs into the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense in the form of Abe Sapien, played by Doug Jones, Hellboy, played by Ron Perlman, and Liz Sherman, played by Selma Blair. They protect her and hide her from her brother just long enough for her and Abe to fall in love. And, I mean just long enough. As soon as there’s just barely enough dialog to establish that Abe has fallen for Nuala, her brother arrives to try and get her piece of the crown and kidnap her. Talk about a worn out plot. Yawn. Then, of course, Hellboy is injured in such a way to force the team to go on a quest and well, save the world from the Prince and the Golden Army.

Nothing at all spectacular here, but in case you plan on going to a matinee, which is all this movie is worth, I’ll keep from revealing any other plot points, such as they are.
Really, considering that the first movie was so good and established these characters so well and clearly, I’d hoped for more from this film. I’m not sorry I saw it, but it’s not something I’d be all that interested in seeing again. Maybe there’s a director’s cut that has all the good parts in it or something, but, well… Well, it’s not a fantastic movie, but not the worst movie I’ve ever seen either. If you don’t think you have time to see this movie at a matinee, I can’t blame you and it might be worth seeing on video, but don’t bother to pay full price.

Not “comical” movies, but movies based on comics.

Now, I try to keep my inner fanboy on a short leash, but I’ve recently seen news that just excites the hell out of me. I love comic books. I especially love obscure comic books. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the X-Men movies, even though they totally don’t have continuity with the comic books I read. And, I liked the Batman movies, too, especially the latest one that shows his origins. But, I really like much more obscure comics than this. Have any of my readers ever heard of Doom Patrol or Deadman? I bet not.

Deadman is about a ghost. More specifically a superhero-esque ghost who can temporarily posses the living. The main character is Boston Brand who was a circus performer that was murdered on the job. In order to find his killer, he came back as a ghost. And, with that, a cult comic was born. Interestingly enough, though, this book was published by D.C. Comics, who is Marvel Comics biggest competitor, so it was fairly available. It was also hella cool.

Doom Patrol originally came out just months after the original X-Men, and was uncannily similar. Both teams featured a wheel-chair bound leader and a bunch of freaks with super powers. But, some how, the X-Men were more mainstream than the members of Doom Patrol. Over the years, Doom Patrol went in and out of publication and changed quite a bit, though they were always a little darker and edgier than the X-Men.

Now, though, both of these are getting made into films. Deadman is being produced by Guillermo del Toro of Hellboy fame. And Doom Patrol is being produced by Akiva Goldsman through his Warner Brothers-based Weed Road Pictures. According to the article, the studio has hired Adam Turner to write the Doom Patrol screenplay.
God, I hope these don’t suck.