Diary of a Network Geek

Ah, that is the question.

So, those of you who are regular readers may have noticed that the only two “Upcoming Events” on my sidebar are “NaNoWriMo Begins” and “NaNoWriMo Ends”.  Now, this might lead you to suppose that I’ve been thinking about trying that whole National Novel Writing Month deal this year.  Well, you’d be mostly right, except I’ve had such struggles with this one short story I’ve been working on that I didn’t see how it was possible to generate 50,000 words in a month.  I’m lucky to generate 50 words in a week!

But, then I read Jill’s entry on NaNoWriMo over at her blog, Jill Writes. First, I just got depressed that I had gone to all the trouble to sign up and then not be able to do it, again, this year.  Then, I embraced the fact that I knew it would be impossible with my current work schedule, and my friend’s current “freak out” schedule, to produce 50,000 words in a single month.  So, having accepted my inevitable failure, I started questioning it again.
“Maybe,” I thought.  “Maybe it would get me writing on a regular basis, even if I produce crap and fail the challenge.  Maybe something good could come of it, even knowing that I’d fail.”

See, sometimes, I’m a bit of a fatalist like that.  I get very attached to what I “know” and ignore the fact that I am often capable of much more than I give myself credit for being.  I could come at it as a month long writing exercise who’s outcome was irrelevant to the process.  Somehow, accepting defeat makes it more sublime to attempt anyway, like a noble samurai marching off to certain death because it is what he does, who he is.  Also, I could do the world’s crappiest comedic fantasy horror novel, because no one will see it anyway.
It might be fun…

So, vote over at the side there.  Should I go for it or not?

Here’s something I don’t miss.
Some time back, I wrote a post about what I miss most about not being in a relationship. But, that’s a ways behind me now and I’m finally looking at dating again. Making it through an evening without mentioning my ex-wife was a kind of watershed moment in that regard. I figured that no one would want to suffer through a date with me while I whined about my ex. But, as I get warmed up here, I started thinking about this post that Jill, from Jill Writes, did the other day. It stirred something in me, that clever post. (No, this is a family show, folks. That is not what it stirred!) But, it wasn’t until today that it occurred to me what it was that I didn’t miss about dating.
The Game.

Should I call or shouldn’t I? Did she look at me because my fly is open or because, as Doc says, I have “bedroom eyes”? Am I in her league? Is she in mine? What the devil is she thinking? What the heck was I thinking when I put this shirt on today, knowing that I’d see her? Wait, what did that eye contact mean? Was that a shy, little smile meant to draw me in? Or is my fly really open? Should I pretend to be cool? Or should I let her know that I’m into her? If I’m direct and forthright, will that scare her off? It has before, but will it this time? If I can get her phone number from the web, should I call? Or would that freak her out? If I ask her out via e-mail will she blow it off because it’s e-mail? Is that enough reason to call instead? I mean, I don’t want her to think I’m a stalker, but it would be easy enough for me to get her phone number from the web. It is, after all, part of what I do for a freakin’ living. I mean, look at the blog name, right? God, will you give me a sign about this please? No, I mean a bigger sign than that flashing one with the “Accident Ahead” message in lights. Is she trying to tell me something when she e-mails, but won’t call me? What the hell is she thinking?

Yeah, that little stream of consciousness ran through my head earlier this week.
So, here’s the thing. I hate playing this game, but what can I do? Is there a woman alive who believes that I’m really not looking to get her into bed? Honestly, that’s not my agenda. But, I guess it’s hard to believe that a guy like me is actually interested in who a woman is, what she thinks and how she feels. And, that really is all I’m looking for right now. Oh, sex would be nice, don’t get me wrong, but, honestly, it would be better to get to know someone first. You know, for a change, as opposed to how I met my ex-wife. Is that really such a hard thing to believe? Maybe it is.
Ladies, if a guy were to walk up to you on the street and ask to buy you a cup of coffee, and you found him reasonably attractive, would you bite? Er, I mean, would you say yes? Under what circumstances? What is the “safe” way for a guy to approach a woman he’s just met and ask her out?
God, I hate being clueless about this stuff! I hate the Game, but, worse, I hate not knowing the Rules. Anyone care to enlighten me?