Cigarettes, Whiskey and Wild, Wild Women
No, I’ll not be extolling their virtues!
I know, I know, I shouldn’t drink, smoke, curse or get “frisky” with loose women. Well, I’m working on it, friends. I am working on it. So far, I’ve done pretty with avoiding the wild women, though, honestly, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll hold out. When they’re so darn good looking and aggressive, it’s hard to resist!
I promise I’ll only drink in moderation, for a change and when the smokes run out, I won’t buy more, for at least nine years. My poor Uncle Chuck, who’s “Deacon for Life” in his Baptist church on the Southside of Chicago would be horrified, I know. Or, perhaps, he’d be secretly envious. He’s hard to read sometimes. Either way, he’d give me the dispairing looks in public, good friends, and loudly disapprove. Certainly, my dear, departed Grandmother would have scolded me mightily. Probably even whacked me with her cane, if I know the hard-nosed Kraut. Then, of course, baked me cookies or suet pudding. (Hey, it’s a family tradition! Back off!)
So, lest you think I heartily endorse these sins of the flesh, I give you…
Cigarettes, Whiskey and Wild, Wild Women
by Tim Spencer, 1947
Dear Friends: A little warning never did anybody any harm, and there are manifold temptations in this world, all of which you would do well to avoid. So let’s sit down and sing together, and learn a little bit about life from the mistakes of a poor sinner who has seen the error of his ways…
(spoken)
A preachment, dear friends, you’re about to receive,
on John Barleycorn, nicotine, and the temptations of Eve…(sung)
I once was happy and I had a good life
I had enough money to last me for life
I met with a gal and we went on a spree
She taught me to smoke and to drink whiskey.Refrain:
Cigareets and whuskey and wild wild wimmin
They’ll drive you crazy they’ll drive you insane.
Cigareets and whuskey and wild wild wimmin
They’ll drive you crazy they’ll drive you insane.Cigareets is a blot on the whole human race.
A man is a monkey with one in his face.
That’s my definition, believe me dear brother,
A fire on one end and a fool on the t’other.Refrain
Write on the cross at the head of my grave
“To wimmin and whuskey here lies a poor slave”.
Take warning dear stranger, take warning dear friend,
They’ll write in big letters these words at my end:Cigareets and whuskey and wild wild wimmin
They’ll drive you crazy they’ll drive you insane.
Cigareets and whuskey and wild wild wimmin
They’ll drive you crazy they’ll drive you insane.
They’ll drive you crazy they’ll drive you insane.
Hallelujah brother!
Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"A woman is like a teabag, you can not tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."
--Eleanor Roosevelt
