Diary of a Network Geek

I’m 38 today.

Time marches on, with or without our consent, and so, much to my surprise, I find that I’ve survived another year. I think of my birthday as, well, just another day. It’s not like I’m suddenly a year older over night, after all. If I seem older this year, it’s due mainly to over-work and a head cold that decided to move South into my chest. Oh, I suppose my hair is a little grayer than it was last year and the eyes that meet mine in the mirror seem, perhaps, a little more world-weary, but, otherwise, I’m mostly the same as I’ve always been. I plan a low-key evening of bill-paying and an early bed-time, sleep having become the ultimate luxury in my life. I will, however, enjoy a glass of Cask Strength Macallan, as I did last year, before slipping off to the Land of Nod.

Historically, this has been an interesting day, the anniversary of my birth not withstanding. For instance, I share a birthday with such varied luminaries as Frank “Chairman of the Board” Sinatra, Bob Barker, Gustave Flaubert, author of Madame Bovary, Edvard Munch, and Wells Fargo founder, Henry Wells. Not to mention, Mike Pinder of the Moody Blues, Tim Hauser of Manhattan Transfer, Dickey Betts of the Allman Bros, jazz musician Grover Washington Jr, and former mayor of New York City, Ed Koch.
Also, it was on this day, in 1901, that Italian physicist and radio pioneer Guglielmo Marconi succeeded in sending the first radio transmission across the Atlantic Ocean. But, that’s not all! My birthday is also when, in 1925, Arthur Heinman coined term “motel”, and opened Motel Inn in San Luis Obispo, California. On this day, in 1964, shooting started for the “Star Trek” pilot, The Cage (which was later reused in Menagerie).
A year before I was born, in 1967, the US launched Pioneer 8 into solar orbit. And, on the actual day of my birth, in 1968, the US performed its first nuclear test at the Nevada Test Site. So, obviously, my birthday was, indeed, earth-shattering.

As I figured last year, it was, in fact, an interesting trip again. Try as I might to lead as boring a life as possible, the Universe sees fit to liven things up for me. Well, this year was a little quieter than last, at least in the legal arena, even if it was a little light in the relationship end of things. I still have no idea what the next year will bring, but, as per usual, I’m sure it will be something other than I expect! Remember what your Uncle Jim says, kids, after twenty-one, every year you survive is a victory, no matter how small it may seem at the time.
I’ve survived one more lap around the sun.
How many more before the race is done?

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
   --Will Rogers

“…and Cupid has his camps.” -Ovid

So, as per usual in my alleged love life, I face an uphill battle.
C.’s divorce is final, but she already had a boyfriend, as I mentioned in an earlier post. Well, maybe not so much any more, in part, I’m afraid, due to me. Allow me to explain…

C.’s divorce was final Monday, so I called her to see how she was doing. I remember what it was like going through my divorce and, even though I didn’t have to actually deal with my ex-wife, it was quite draining. I was, emotionally speaking, a little bit like a wrung out dish rag that’s been dropped in a heap. Oh, sure, I was elated at being free of her, but, still, it was a very trying and stressful process. So, maintaining the clever fiction that I’m a “nice guy”, I called to check on her. Now, before you go reading too much into that, I had her number when I thought I’d be adopting her dog. Whoops! Getting ahead of myself!

In any case, we talk for a good thirty minutes or more. She starts by thanking me for calling then to ask if I mind if her former sister-in-law takes the dog. Turns out she suggested that they make them the offer months ago, but her ex never acted on it. At least, not until he found out that some strange man at his ex-wife’s office (ie. me) was going to adopt the dog. When he found that out, suddenly, his sister or sister-in-law or whatever seemed like a better idea. C., however, hadn’t made that connection, until I pointed it out to her.
So, we’re talking away, and, as per usual these days, I have her laughing out loud on a regular basis, when she says, “Um, I better take this call.”
“Oh?” I reply.
“Yeah, he’s calling back. I clicked over to talk to you and never went back to him.”
“Yikes, yeah, I guess you’d better take it. See you tomorrow at work!”

The next day, I stopped to apologize if I got her into trouble with her jealous, short-tempered boyfriend. Well, I didn’t put it like that, but I was thinking it. Her response lead me to believe that it was almost over and he was on very, very thin ground. And, as well he should be. They’re long-distance and either he has to make up his mind that she’s trustworthy or let go and move on. Just like I did when I was first dating my ex-wife. Of course, she was a whole lot more likely to be cheating on me than C., but, that’s a whole different story.
Well, I decided to more or less act like nothing had happened and keep up my normal flirtatious behavior with her. After all, I figured I was getting closer to being “in”, as it were. On the way out about 5:20pm, I found C. still at her desk writing e-mail to her future ex-boyfriend. I know that because she told me that’s what she was doing when I asked why she was working late. So, naturally, I apologized again for any trouble I caused and offered to make it up to her with, oh, say, dinner… For that, I was rewarded with a sly grin, a giggle, a blush and the sudden loss of eye contact.

Now, ladies, you tell me, is that a good thing? I sort of read that as the reaction of a shy person who was getting a bit more polite attention than she was used to getting. Do you think I’m reading it wrong?

Then, this morning, she seemed to be back together with him. Not quite sure what I was missing, but, if I were a woman with kids and a guy started bossing my kids around, but we weren’t living together, that’d be a big strick against him. So would not being able to pay his own bills at the age of 36. Or the trust issues that he seems to have. Or making the statement that he “wouldn’t ever kiss a woman’s a** for any reason”. ‘Cause I have to tell you, having been married, there were plenty of times I did stupid stuff that required a whole lot of kissing up afterward. Granted, I may not have done quite enough, but it should be a two-way street. My father agreed with me, heartily, on a speaker phone in front of my mother. He didn’t even hesitate.

So, as always, I’ve gone back to my bookshelf to find what Uncle Jim’s Magical Library had on the subject. What I found were two books that survived my marriage, interestingly enough, called Love Tactics and More Love Tactics.
Now, before you scoff, these are the techniques I used to get my ex-wife. Hmm, yeah, okay, maybe that’s not the best endorsement ever, but they don’t talk about picking a target, only achieving your goal. And, for good or ill, they did help me do that. Incidentally, the techniques would work for either a man or a woman, as far as I know, even though it’s meant mostly for men. You ladies may recognize a few of the “rules” though. You know, the kinds of things you have been doing to men since time began. “Be available, until they get used to you being available, then suddenly don’t be for a bit.” That kind of thing. Frigtheningly effective, really. So, we’ll see how it goes.

Oh, incidentally? When I told my parents about the books? They laughed, but my father said, in essence, “go get her”. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree after all.

UPDATE:  Now, apparently, there’s a website by the author of the Love Tactics books called, ironically enough, LoveTactics.com.  And, it’s got an endorsement by Oprah, so you know it’s got to be good!

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music."
   --George Carlin

A cigarette sure would taste good about now.

So, as my regular readers know, I missed my NaNoWriMo goal by a factor of about, oh, 10 or so. I managed just under 5,000 words of the 50,000 goal. So, in that sense, it was a total failure. However, that was 5,000 more words of fairly not terrible fiction than I’ve written in, well, in a very, very long time. So, in that sense, it at least got me writing some more. (You can see the drivel I managed to produce at my other blog, Fantasist’s Scroll.) What I learned from all this is that working 10 to 12 hour days and weekends does not make for a good writing schedule. I just wish I had more to show for all that work than I do.

You see, after a good two-and-a-half weeks of soul-crushing, mind-numbing work, I still have “issues” with our new phone system and voice and internet provider. The main issue with the new phone system is voice-mail. The phone switch itself, a Nortel BCM 400, is actually quite nice, as far as I’m concerned. Loads of features, quite easy to use and, once you get used to the interface, easy enough to manage. It also came with some nice tools that I can use to monitor the switch from my PC via my network. Now, granted, we have an issue with one of the cabinets having a bad backplane, but, once I moved those cards to the second media cabinet, it seemed to stabilize quite nicely. Of course, I’ll be going in to the office for a bit tomorrow to check on things to make sure it’s still running okay, but I’m fairly confident that all will be well.
The “problem” I have with the new CallPilot voice-mail system is, well, mainly that it’s new. And it has new, different options and menus. Yeah, pretty much, that’s the only “problem”. It works differently than the old system and the boss doesn’t like that. *sigh* So, now I have to try and salvage that end of things. I’m hoping that I can get some kind of work around that I can program into the phone switch to make it more like the old system, but, as of right now, the biggest problem with the new phone system is that it’s new.

The data end of things, however, is a different story. Since about two of my readers actually care about this, I’ll sum it up for you. The salesman told me that I’d be able to do something with e-mail that we do on our current provider and, today, I found out that we simply cannot do that unless we have our own server. Eventually, we will have our own server, but, until then, I can’t have a feature that my boss, the president of the company, sees as essential to his business taken away from him. It simply won’t fly.
And, if that’s not enough reason to be suddenly craving a good smoke, there’s more in my personal life.

So, there’s that girl…
You know, over the years, I’ve noticed a pattern of sorts with the “problems” in my personal life. The problem always starts “Well, there’s this girl…” The fact that I’m days away from being 38 years old hasn’t changed that much, though the “girls” have gotten older, too.
In any case, it’s been a long, long time since a woman got to my like this one. I can’t explain it. It’s not a sex thing, honest. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’d be happy to find her eating crackers in my bed, but there’s something about her that’s special. She’s just the right mix of crazy and conservative. Very professional at work, but, after showing her my tattoos, she confessed that she had two as well. I haven’t seen them yet, but, maybe someday. I can’t get enough of the way her dark eyes light up when I make her laugh. When I see her, I want to wrap my arms around her and hold her close just to feel her warm reality pressed against me. I want to confess secrets into her perfect, little ears and feel her cool fingers warm in my hand. I want to make her blush and fluster her with subtlety of my flattery. And she reads. Oh, God help me, she reads books for fun at lunch! Every frustrated writer’s dream! A reader to love and a lover who reads all in the same person.
So, what’s the problem? Well, aside from a divorce that will be final Monday, and an 11-year-old daughter that I think I already charmed, and an 8-year-old son I haven’t met, and the dog I’m about to adopt from her, just one. Her misogynistic, ex-Marine boyfriend who’s also a single dad and in college. (UPDATE: Okay, upon reflection, that may have been an extremely biased judgement that was partly based on desire and single-malt Scotch, but, still…)  I don’t know, though, things sound rocky. Besides, I’m the one she trusts to take the dog. And, she made some hint about being “forever friends” if I took him, since she’d want to see him again.
You know what? I think I could live with that, but, it sure makes me crave a cigarette. I always used to smoke while I waited for things to happen.

I’m not going to, though. Smoke that is. No, instead, I’ll mumble a prayer and have another Glenmorangie and water on the rocks. As I told one of my favorite bloggers last year at my birthday, I don’t drink much anymore, but I always drink the good stuff.

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"It is a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link of the chain of destiny can be handled at a time."
   --Winston Churchill

Wherein my little, male ego takes a bit of bruising.

So, the sweet, almost-divorced lady at work, C., gave what little male ego I have left a little battering yesterday. She compared me to Milton in Office Space. Apparently, all the extra hours getting our phone system upgraded to a new, modern phone switch had me mumbling rather like Milton, who famously grumbled about blowing up the building and his red Swingline stapler. To her credit, she quickly added that I didn’t look like Milton.
Obviously, I don’t think I’m anything like Milton.

Honestly, and I think this is true of most guys my age who do my kind of work, I saw myself as somewhere between Mathew Broderick’s character in War Games and Robert Redford’s character in Sneakers. Okay, maybe I’m pushing it with Reford, but, still, Milton? I mean, at least the other two guys got the girl!
Really, the most realistic comparison, is Peter in Office Space. I mean, I have five bosses and everyone in the company tells me when anything is going wrong with the computer system. My ex-wife’s name was Anne, just like Peter’s girlfriend, and she was cheating on me, too. Even at my current company I got moved from cube to cube until I had no view. Though, I have to admit, I did actually end up with my office in the storage room. Kind of sad, isn’t it? My office used to be one of two storage rooms and now it’s the server room, too. No windows and not enough A/C.  But, still, I’ve got to have more going for me than Milton!  I have people skills!  (If you’ve seen the movie, you get that line.)

Well, I suppose it could have been worse.  At least she didn’t compare me to Nick Burns!
All that and I still may end up adopting her dog because her ex doesn’t want it and I have a soft heart, especially for dogs.  Oh, and her divorce should be final December Fourth.  No idea if she even finds me remotely attractive, but, well, if she’s comparing me to Milton…

Too long between updates…

Now, for the two or three of you who actually seem interested in my sad, little personal life, here are some updates.
First, I heard from LK for the first time in months this past week. She’s moved to Colorado and has investors and capital for her business. If I understood her story correctly, she made the decision to move in less than a month and has been there about three weeks now. The good news is that her business is doing fabulously well. The bad news is that she finally had to put her faithful companion of fourteen years down right before she moved. I cannot imagine how hard that must have been for her. I can’t imagine loseing my Hildagard now, much less after another ten years. I wish I’d known, so that I could have been there to help her with that, but… Well, I guess times change.
I have to say that I was quite shocked to hear about the move. I know I certainly couldn’t have made that large a decision in such a short time. I hope it all works out well for her.

Second, I finally have the full, complete title to my house! After more than a year of the divorce being final, the lawyers finally got all the paperwork fixed and the house is titled solely in my name. They had to get my ex to sign a second warranty deed, which got filed in Arizona, after they lost the first one she signed. So, there’s the second surprise of the week.

Thirdly, I’ve written about as many words for NaNoWriMo as most people might be short right now. If I were to calculate it, I’d bet that I’m about 15,000 words behind the projected goal for the month. In short, as I suspected this year, it will be almost impossible to accomplish this goal. But, it’s not a total loss, since I’ve written more words of fiction in the past two weeks than I have all year. So, while I’ll most likely miss the NaNoWriMo goal of 50,000 words before the end of the month, I’ll still see quite a bit of benefit from that effort.

Fourth…
Well, the fourth thing is a two-part answer. It’s work, mainly. Work has been busy and crazy and long hours, which drains me beyond belief these days and makes it hard to find the energy to write. But, also, there’ve been some personnel changes.
Now, that means two things to me. First, of course, it means setting up machines and users and all that junk on servers. In some cases, it means undoing things left behind on machines. This time, though, it means a bit more than that.
There were two women who weren’t quite as productive as one would like let go and three hired. Two to replace the two who were fired and one new hire for a new position. All three ladies are better looking than the ones who were let go. And one in particular, we’ll call her C., caught my eye. I don’t know quite how old she is, but close to my age. She’s got an eight-year-old and a ten-year-old. She’s a writer, though she writes very different things than I do. She’s also very pretty and, apparently, still a little married. Yeah, yeah, I know. See, ladies, it’s not just you who fall for the married ones! I don’t get this at all, but the married ones all seem to find me like iron filings find a magnet. Go figure. Anyway, I had to work on C.’s computer a lot this week and got a lot of positive signals. I did my best to be ultra professional, which meant a lot of very direct eye contact. In retrospect, that may have been sending the precise signal I was hoping to muffle. Ah, well…
At one point, she asked me if I knew what I wanted out of dating, since she knew I’d been divorced for a bit. Maybe I read a bit into it, but it seemed like a signal to me, a sign.
But, I’ll tell you this, I sure don’t want to have the whole office in on anything. Those nosy bastards would be gossiping about us all the damn day. So, now, I’m torn between just ignoring the whole thing, since it’s at work, and trying to find a very discrete way to let her know I’m interested if she is and find out more about the state of her divorce. Until then, I’ll do my best not to notice how nice her hair smells or how comfortable she seems to be in close quarters with me. *gulp* Thoughts? Suggestions?

Well, time for some comfort food before bed. It’s going to be a long week.

No, not the actual party.

So, a good friend of mine, J., has finally proposed to his girlfriend of about a year, L., with whom he is very happy. In fact, I was starting to wonder if they were going to get around to it or if someone was going to have to actually suggest it to the poor boy. It will be the first marriage for both of them, and I cannot be happier for them. Truly, they seem almost perfectly matched to each other. And, as I told him, if they can survive the experience of planning a good-sized wedding, instead of running away to Las Vegas like I did, they’ll be just fine.

So, last night, he asks me if I’d like to be in the wedding party.

You know, I wasn’t in the wedding party for either of my sister’s weddings, or my brother’s wedding. Honestly, I was a little suprised and a bit intimidated. Funerals I can handle without too much trouble, but, ah, weddings and I haven’t always done well together. Still, it’s not until March, so, I might even have time to find a date.
But, don’t hold your breath!

I’m still not sure…

It felt like she was trying to take one last shot at me.  Like she was trying to engage me in some sort of communication one last time, for some reason, when I got this last e-mail:

“Wow, OK.  Good luck to you.  Sorry that I fell asleep last night but thanks for being patient about it nonetheless.”

Hmm, yeah…  I mean, is it just me or does that sound, well, rather facetious at this point?  And, shouldn’t it say something that she was able to stay up until 3:20am to send this e-mail, according to the time stamp, but couldn’t manage 9:05pm for a pre-arranged phone call?  Or that the first time I’m getting an explanation or apology for what happened was after I called off the date?

Yeah, dodged a bullet on this one.

Okay, now I know for sure I’ve had enough of this.

So, I’m rushing out of the office to get home, let the dog out, change clothes and get back in the car to scramble to my friend’s, J.’s, birthday party when I get a “private number” calling on my cell. I have a simple rule with that stuff, namely, “no ID, no answer”. Then, I get a text from ER girl.

“Your vm cut me off…”
Getting network busy
“Weird…”
Yeah In car What’s up?
“Yes was just trying to call you back”

From last night? I think. Little late for that, don’t you think? So, when I pull into the driveway, I call her. We’ve got terrible reception and I have a hard time making out what she’s trying to tell me. Also, I’m trying to get the dog to go out and “take care of business” before I run out to fight traffic to the opposite end of town for the party. And, honestly, I’m irritated that she thinks it’s okay to skip a prearranged meeting, even if it was just on the phone, so that she can interrupt my schedule later at her convenience. I guess it didn’t occur to her that I set that call up for Thursday night for a reason. Also, when I’m trying to get out the door and do two other things at once, I kind of lose all patience with poeple that don’t seem to be acting with a purpose. And, by that I mean I can be a bit of an ass. Again, I know this and that’s why I scheduled the call at a more relaxed time. So, we agree to meet for lunch Sunday, even though I’m really not sure it’s a good idea at this point. Still, I’m willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt, so I’m willing to risk the small investment of time and lunch.
Just to make sure she knows everything’s still okay, I send her this, via the Match.com e-mail system:

Sorry, I was so short before. Trying to get dog out before I got changed and went out again. How late should I call tonight? Or should I just try you tomorrow?

Then, I change my shoes and head out to fight traffic. The party was good, and maybe I’ll write up a post about that some time this weekend, while I do laundry.
But, when I get home, I have first this e-mail:

“I will b up fairly late call anytime b4 1am”

Then this one:

“How was the party? I’m just online replying to emails. I got a very nasty email from one man who said I lied about my profile. He told me I shouldn’t have said I’m a few extra pounds because he thought I was too big for his taste.

I asked several men and women what I should list and they said a few extra pounds because i’m closer to that than full-figured. But then some people said full-figured is the same as a few extra pounds.

Anyway, I leave it up to you. If you prefer thin or atletic women, let me know. I don’t want you to waste an afternoon meeting up for lunch. If you’re familiar with women’s sizes, I’m a size 16.”

And, with that, I was done.
Honestly, well before this point, I’d figured out that she wasn’t exactly tiny, but that’s not really the point. I mean, I carry a little more extra weight than I’d like, so I’m pretty open-minded about the same thing in anyone I might date. But, again, she’s putting me off, and, in my mind, telling me that I’m, at best, her second or third choice. And, this is going to make me want to go out with her how? I guess it’s part of that new math in relationships that I missed somewhere in the past ten years or so… Really, it’s not about the weight, or even that things kept “coming up”. I’m just tired of doing this particular dance with this particular partner. I think I’d rather sit this one out, so, I replied with:

The party was fine, thanks for asking. My friend, who was the birthday boy, and his girl-friend announced they were getting married. I’ve known for a bit, but it was supposed to be a secret.

I’d like to think that I’m more concerned with who a person is than what size they are. Besides, I’m not exactly a “light-weight” either.
Honestly, after missing the pre-arranged call time last night, I was going to pretty much call off anything on Sunday. You’ve put me off several times and, while I’m pretty forgiving and patient, after setting a time that I was going to call and not being there… Well, that was about it. I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and follow through, just in case my first impression was really off, but, frankly, it seems like a pattern.
I also found it less than promising that you didn’t seem to be able to read all of the first few, short, e-mails I sent and we had to go over and over the same questions and answers. I felt like you thought I wasn’t really worth your time. I’m no Nobel-prize winning super-model, but I think I’m worth paying a minimum of attention.

We’re both busy people and I feel like we’re wasting each other’s time at this point, so maybe it would be best if we just called it near miss and moved on. No harm, no foul.

I’m sure you’ll find the right guy for you out there, somewhere, but I don’t think I’m it.
I’m sure someone, somewhere, will take me to task for something I’ve written there, but, really, enough is enough. I had a better time joking with the married couple, gay choir director and the red-headed federal probation officer I was sitting with at dinner tonight than any conversation I’ve had, or can even imagine having, with ER girl. (Actually, the probation officer is kind of cute and she volunteers for the Miniature Schnauzer Rescue, which I think is pretty cool.)

At the time of writing this post, I haven’t heard back from ER girl. I’m not sure that I even will, given her history of communication. I don’t know, do you all think I over reacted? Do I need more patience than that? Or, should I stick to my standards of basic courtesy? LK sure didn’t seem to have a problem with these kinds of things. Even my ex-wife managed this much, at least when we were dating. It doesn’t seem like so much to ask to me.

Yeah, that must be it.

Sun spots are interfering with her phone. That’s why she didn’t answer when we prearranged the call and time and everything. Or, maybe, she’s on the way to the emergency room with her friend again. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Say, ladies, that’s not code for fantasizing about the doctors on Grey’s Anatomy or something, is it? Well, whatever. Maybe I’ll meet someone tomorrow night at my buddy’s birthday party. Or not. You know, there are just too many potential posts in all this that I just don’t even know which way to turn with it. Maybe Saturday or Sunday, I’ll write something more. Maybe I’ll have a better story than the emergency room by then.

Oy! I’m about ready to give up!

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities; an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties."
   --Reginald B. Mansell

So, the ER girl from Match called.

Apparently, we’re still on for lunch this coming weekend.  Now, all I have to do is find a decent restaurant between Jersey Village and, roughly, Highway 6 and Westheimer.

You’re got until about this time tomorrow night to make suggestions.  I’ve been instructed not to call during Grey’s Anantomy, so I have until it’s over to pick a place.