Diary of a Network Geek

hummus bread with eggs

Originally uploaded by carmen maria

You know what I want to ask LK?

Why didn’t you ever fix my kitchen? You were going to make my kitchen efficient and work better, in some way that you never were able to explain to me. I was always secretly hoping that you would find a way to fix my kitchen and, by so doing, somehow, fix me.

I wanted to be a good cook, you know. I wanted to be the kind of man that Padma Lakshmi apparently pines for, one who would cook for her. I have to admit that cooking for a food person like LK was very, very intimidating and, well, I did a poor job of it. It’s funny, though, because she wanted a man to cook for her. I think I won her over by making macaroni and cheese. LK, that is, not Padma.

And, I do like to cook, most of the time. Though, I have to admit, I really do think it would go better if I had a more efficiently arranged kitchen. I mean, I might actually accomplish more and finish more of the strange culinary experiments I try.
The picture that I’ve sneaked from Flickr, which inspired this post, has toasted hummus bread in it. And eggs. I think it would be rather perfect if it included bacon. But, whatever hummus bread really is, and really tastes like, it sounds like an adventure to me. Something to challenge and excite the taste buds. And, of course, I love bread. And toast.

But, I need someone to fix my kitchen.

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"Do not follow where the path may lead - go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

Okay, not actually coffee, but a coffee mug.

In the same vein as T-Shirt For Tough Guys, a UK company is now offering a “Knuckle Duster Mug“. For those of you not familiar with the phrase, a “knuckle duster” is slang for brass knuckles. From what I understand, they’re quite nasty. Can’t say how well the coffee mug will stand up if you use it that way, though.

It’s the perfect thing for those of us who are thugish in the morning before we’ve had our coffee!

At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Tuesday night, I took “before” pictures.
Knowing that the Queen of the Damned will likely read this, I hesitate to mention how heavy I’ve gotten. Let’s just say that I’m the heaviest I remember being, ever, and I’d like to lose forty pounds or so. And, it’s not like I haven’t been meaning to get back in shape after last year’s “little episode”. Chemotherapy takes that weight off great, but it all seems to come back with the hair! And, every pound seemed to bring a buddy!!

In any case, I started planning for this even before treatment ended. I got several books on exercise and I had a new pair of running shoes from before I was diagnosed. Not that I’m allowed to start running at my age, but they’ll give me support for taking the dog on walks.
I’ve had a subscription to Men’s Health for several months now. Believe it or not, in spite of being the male equivalent of Cosmo, there’s really a lot of pretty good health advice in there. Granted, there are lots of articles on women that my, admittedly limited, experience leads me to believe are somewhat suspect, but at least there aren’t any articles on how to achieve orgasm while caulking your windows. (I swear to you I actually saw an article like that in a women’s magazine when I was working as a security guard in college! I would not lie to you about something as important as this!) I’ve even bought several of their cookbooks now, in an attempt to eat better, and healthier. If I can just stop going out with friends so often, I think I’d do better there.
And, of course, all of this is just smoke and mirrors if I can’t get my shit together and actually start working out. Doing anything, really, would be better than I’ve been doing for the past couple of months. Just walking the dog would be a start.

So, that’s why I took the before pictures. I see those guys in Men’s Health all the time, those “before-and-after” guys, those “Bellyoff! Club” guys, and I want to be one of them. I need the “before” clearly in front of me. The last time I lost a bunch of weight, it was because I saw a picture of myself when my ex-wife and I were buying our house. I couldn’t believe I’d gotten so fat! Well, this is the same thing.

Now, I just need to make my “after” happen.

Update:  I discovered this morning that it turns out that I’m not quite at my heaviest ever, but I’d still like to lose thirty-five to forty pounds.

Yummy noodles!

So, Thursday, after skipping lunch due to the indigestion that I always get from the barium, I thought I’d treat myself with something fast, easy, and that I didn’t have to really think about. But, frankly, ramen noodles just weren’t going to cut it, so, instead, I made Peanut Noodles from A Taste of Thai. These guys have been around for quite some time, but their “quick meals” are something new and they’re damn good.

At least, the Peanut Noodles I had Thursday were fabulous. Under other circumstances, I’d probably add meat of some kind, and I suppose that vegans could add nice, firm tofu, but I was in a hurry, and my stomach wasn’t quite up to anything too fancy. Besides, I’m not a giant fan of tofu.
The package is also the microwave-safe container to cook the noodles in, so there’s no need to dirty a dish. And, in four minutes, plus a little time to stir and add a light dusting of peanuts, you can have what is, in my personal estimation, the peak of Southeast Asian cuisine, noodles with Thai peanut sauce.

Now, I found mine in the ethnic food aisle at my regular Kroger, but you can hit their website to find the store closest to you, if you want to try this almost instant culinary delight for yourself.

Oh, and my appointment to get the results got moved from Thursday to Monday, so I’ll find out what all the radioactive isotopes and gastrointestinal distress have told the doctors about my lymphoma.  Or, hopefully, my lack of lymphoma.

No, not ghosts, spirits.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my new medicine really should preclude me from drinking, but when I saw this article about a Japanese single-malt whiskey distiller, I was fascinated. Check out that, and the website it appeared on, Nonjatta. It’s like Scotch, with all the same anal-retentive attention to detail, but from Japan.

I love Men’s Health cooking recipes.

I got a book some weeks ago titled A Man, A Can, A Plan, A Second Helping. I meant to get the first one, but, somehow, I got the second one. It doesn’t matter, because the recipes are still great and still from Men’s Health.
The premise is simple, all the main ingredients for the recipes are things in cans that can stay on the shelf for a long time. This is the perfect cookbook for men, or women, on the go who don’t have time to go grocery shopping every single week. With this cookbook, you can plan ahead and get cans of ingredients and leave them on the shelf for weeks until you need them.

Tonight, I made my first recipe from A Man, A Can, A Plan, A Second Helping. I made Black Gold Burritos. Since this book is still available and in print, I don’t feel right listing the recipe, but, hopefully, the link to Amazon will show you what I made.
Naturally, I had a few substitutions. First, I thought I had a can of corn in the cupboard, but it turns out I had creamed corn. I drained it and used it anyway. Also, I didn’t have a full cup of red peppers, so I diced up a yellow pepper and made a cup of peppers with red and yellow combined. It turned out quite well indeed. I made three burritos to eat, and three for another time, but I ran out of wheat tortillas, so I had “stuff” left over. More than enough for two more burritos, making the eight that the recipe claims to create. Either my tortillas were smaller than theirs, or they’re making really huge portions that, somehow, don’t spill out. Mine spilled all over the plate, but Hilda seemed to like helping me clean up, so it was all good. And, take it from me, it really was ALL good! The burritos were quick, at less than an hour to prepare and cook, and very tasty!
If the original A Man, A Can, A Plan is half as good as this one, I heartily recommend them both.

I made caper sauce last night.

So, I tried a little experiment last night. I made caper sauce from an out-of-print cookbook titled “The Book of Light Sauces and Salad Dressings”.
As you can see, it turned out rather, um, well, beige. And, I have to admit, I even added some things to make the sauce more colorful and savory. I even had to recover it from being too thin. Sadly, I couldn’t find my cornstarch to thicken it with, but I did manage the same thing with some arrowroot.

So, here’s the recipe that I started with and how I varied it.
2 tblspoons low-fat margarine
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1-1/4 cups low fat milk
2 tblspoons capers
2 tspoons vinegar from capers
salt and pepper

In a saucepan over low heat, melt margarine and stir in flour. Cook approximately 1 minute, stirring. Remove pan from heat and gradually whisk in the milk. Return pan to heat and slowly bring to boil. Keep whisking and continue to cook while sauce thickens. Simmer for approximately three minutes and add capers and vinegar from jar of capers. The two table spoons of capers, by the way, is about half of a four ounce jar.  Cook another minute or two, whisking the whole time. Add salt and pepper.

I served that over tilapia that I’d already broiled with lemon pepper and lime juice with a side of rice.
But, I varied the sauce by thickening it with arrowroot, as I already wrote. Also, I used light butter instead of margarine and skim milk, which may be why I had to thicken it. And, it didn’t smell quite savory enough for me, so I added a dash of garlic salt and several dashes of Old Bay Seasoning. It turned out quite well, considering I’d never done a white sauce before. Next time I do it, I may just add some garam masala or curry at the same time I add the capers. I think that might make a more interesting sauce, possibly for chicken or lamb.

Of course, my dog liked it just fine the way it was when I let her lick my plate.
She’s so spoiled.

Just a few random thoughts to wrap up the year.

I like toast.
I like all kinds of toast. I like diner toast soaked in thinned, anemic butter. I like dry toast. I like toast with honey. And, I like toast with jam. I like toast with peanut butter. I like toast with runny eggs, over easy. I like to soak up the runny yolks after scarfing the eggs.
Today, almost the only thing I ate was toast.
It’s yummy.

I love books.
My obsession for books will most likely bankrupt me.  I love the feel of books in my hand.  The sound of fanning pages on a new book sends a shiver up my spine as I consider with delight what that book holds for me.  The smell of a new book is more evocative for me than almost any other smell in the world.  I think if I suddenly were out of newish books to smell in my house, I would take books that I haven’t read yet to the used book store to sell for cash so I could re-buy those books new again, just for the smell.  I love the feel of new, unread paperback pages as they flip past my fingers, like silky thoughts against my skin.
I would spend my last dime on books rather than food.
Better to die hungry with a new book in my hand than empty-handed and with a full belly.

Tomorrow, I’ll give you something spiritual to start the year.
Y’all have a safe and happy new year.

What else can I add to that?

I mean, really, pancake batter in a pressurized can that you can squirt out into the skillet. What else is there to say?

Oh, and there’s still time to autogenerate your New Year’s Resolutions!

I can cook, damn it!

Okay, mixing a sauce together may not constitute actual cooking, but I did put it over asparagus.
Remember two weeks ago, I mentioned the Men’s Health Grocery List? Well, last week Thursday I finally got around to shopping and I got most of the things on the list. Since that included asparagus, that meant I had very limited time to cook it before it went bad. Today was pretty much the limit, even if I wasn’t all that interested in cooking tonight. In any case, I made a quick sauce with stuff from the List that turned out quite well.

Uncle Jim’s Super Easy Quick Sauce:
Combine three heaping teaspoons of reduced fat mayo with two heaping teaspoons of dijon mustard and a single heaping teaspoon of horseradish sauce, for kick. Blend in an exotic spice in the cabinet that smells good with what you have so far. (I used the McCormick’s Gourmet Collection Szechwan Seasoning because it was there and, honestly, had the right color to it.)

I spooned that over the asparagus tips that I steamed in the microwave and added my left-over chicken and rice from the weekend. I was so pleased with myself that I even lit candles!  Oh, and that sauce?  To die for!
Ah, well, now it’s back to the writing. I have to figure out how to get my characters out of the room they’re in and the conversation/interview they’ve been having.
Pray for me.