Diary of a Network Geek

I ordered a subscription to Men’s Health.

So, yeah, in an effort to improve my general health and well-being, I thought I’d get a subscription to a magazine my friend K. referred to as “Cosmo for men”. Well, I’ve read Cosmopolitan magazine and Men’s Health is not quite as bad, though I won’t be taking their advice on women any time soon. Maybe when I look like the cover models, and have girls that look like the eye candy in the articles showing up for breakfast, I’ll start taking that advice, but not any time soon. Until then, I’ll just keep relating to women like actual people and stick to the health and cooking articles.
I used to have a subscription, back in the day, before I got married to the Queen of the Damned. But, when she took offense at the dating advice articles, and the aforementioned eye candy that accompanied them, I let the subscription lapse. Now, though, I want to live, so, I think I’ll start reading it more carefully than I did then.
Also, toward the goal of being healthier, when I go to the grocery store later this week, I will buy their recommended, “keep on hand” grocery list, as shown below…
The Men’s Health Grocery List
Frozen Shrimp 1 lb uncooked, medium size
Rotisserie Chicken 1 cooked
Pork Tenderloin 1 herb-flavored or lemon-garlic marinated (about 3/4 lb)
Bell Peppers 1 tray tricolor (or pick out 1 red, 1 yellow, and 1 orange)
Yellow Onions 2 lb
Baby Mixed Greens 4 oz bag, washed
Portobello Mushrooms 2 large caps
Asparagus 1 bunch
Garlic 1 head
Sun-Dried-Tomato Pesto 8 oz jar
Avocado 1 ripe
Mozzarella 8 oz bag, shredded
Instant Brown Rice 1 lb box (except that I have a rice cooker and don’t need instant)
Black Beans 12 oz can
100% Whole-Wheat Fettuccine 16 oz box
10″ 100% Whole-Wheat Tortillas 1 package
The Pantry List (or, staples to supplement the main list)
“Buy these crucial building blocks every couple of months and you’ll always have them on hand to construct meals around the clock.”
Reduced-Fat Mayonnaise
Dijon Mustard
Low-Sodium Soy Sauce
Peanut Butter
Extra-Virgin Olive Oil
Balsamic Vinegar
Parmesan Cheese
Salsa
Tabasco Or Other Hot Sauce

So, after I stock up, we’ll see how many things I can make from those. Oh, of course, I’ll add good, lean beef and assorted freshwater and deep sea fish to that list. As well as skim milk, coffee, red and white wine, better than average beer, eggs, turkey bacon, orange juice, whole-wheat bagels, and, naturally, breakfast cereal. I might get the Men’s Health cookbook, A Man, A Can, A Plan, too, since it’s one of my favorite columns.

And, to answer your questions before you ask them, I read Cosmo when I was in college working as a security guard at a women’s dorm. And, no, I don’t mind that Men’s Health is popular with gay men because of the cover models. I should be so lucky to look like that and have their attraction problems!

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"Whatever the majority of people is doing, under any given circumstances, if you do the exact opposite, you will probably never make another mistake as long as you live."
   --Earl Nightingale

So, back when I was dating LK, I really got cooking.

No, not that, you dirty-minded naughty people. Cooking on a stove with food. But, since surviving cancer, I’ve been doing real cooking, from scratch, not the regular, heating up canned sauce and pouring it over cheap pasta that I usually do for myself. A couple of weeks ago, I actually made marinara sauce from scratch, and poured it over cheap pasta. Here’s how:

• Pour enough olive oil in a sauce pan to cover the bottom with a little bit to spare
• Add some fresh, crushed garlic (I used about half a full clove)
• Saute that in the hot oil until garlic is golden brown and smells good
• Add fresh chopped tomatoes until about two thirds of the sauce pan is full.
• Spice to taste, but I included more garlic, oregano, rosemary, thyme and pepper. (Actually, most people could do without as much pepper as I used, but, still, I liked it.)
• Simmer for about 20-25 minutes, stirring occasionally
• Add spices for color and taste.

Yeah, that’s it. Simple as all get out, isn’t it? And, yes, I fed it to actual human beings besides myself who enjoyed it, so they claimed, and did not die. I made that again, but added mostly cooked Italian sausage to make a meat sauce. Oh… Well, let’s just say my “lose weight” resolution took a little beating.

Then, there was the salad dressing I made with one cup of olive oil, one cup of apple cider vinegar and two table spoons of parsley. And some sugar and some other spices which I would tell you, if I could remember what I used. As salad dressing, it was okay. But, as something to dip bread into while we waited for the pasta to cook? Oh, I don’t think I exagerate when I say it was heavenly. Something about the tang of that apple cider vinegar just really, really went well with the fresh Italian bread.
A similar concoction for cold pasta salad didn’t do quite as well. Still, it wasn’t entirely a failure, so, I might try that again.

A couple of weeks after she broke up with me, I made “Mystery Whitefish” Almondine ala Leftovers. I had two small fillets of an unknown variety in my fridge that had to get used before they go nasty, so I grabbed my copy of Cooking for 1 or 2 and started to improvise. You see, I almost never have the ingredients I need on hand when I start cooking, so, I just come close and muddle through. I often find it surprising what I find when I do that.
This time, I substituited a failed batch of cornbread for bread crumbs and found something new and wonderful. Here’s what I did:

• Toss your fillets into a bit of milk. Just enough to cover them a bit.
• In another pan or plate, toss the cornbread crumbs and mix in a bit of pepper and salt. I used Lowry’s seasoned pepper, but whatever works for you.
• Pop a medium fry pan onto the stove and, when it gets hot enough, melt a bit of butter in it.
• Flop the fillets from the milk into the seasoned cornbread. Coat both sides well and drop them into the pan.
• Cook until the fish is flaky and tender then flip the fillets onto a warm plate.
• Throw some sliced or slivered almonds into the pan and saute until, what else, golden brown. I’d guess about a teaspoon or so per serving.
• Serve over brown rice

I have to say, this was surprisingly delicious. Granted, there’s no one to verify the delectibility of this particular culinary experiment, but Hilda thought the plate tasted quite nice after I was done.

I tried this with chicken, instead of fish, and cashews, instead of almonds, and, while I have no idea at all what to call it, the result was, well, to put it mildly, heavenly.

Yummy coffee!

When you go to your local, neighborhood coffee shop, do you ever wonder what really goes into your favorite coffee-based drink? Well, now, thanks to Coffee Drinks Illustrated, not only can you know, but you can see it in a handy infographic.

Enjoy!

So, today, my Friday Fun Links have a theme.

I’m not sure if it was the cleaning this week or what, but I’ve been feeling very, well, um, “domestic”.  So, my fun links this week pretty much all have to do with things around the house, or housing itself.
Okay, so let’s start from the outside and work our way in.  First, I have a link to some interesting plans for an 11 foot by 7 foot flat in London.  Apparently inspired by a janitor’s closet with a bathroom that sold for £170,000 in London’s upmarket Chelsea, the plan is really quite ingeneous.
Now, let’s talk furnishings…  If you’ve just spent $335,000 on a large broom closet, you probably don’t have much left over for furnature, so it’ll be IKEA for you.  No worries, though, thanks to the IKEA Hacker blog.  Yes, the stuff on that blog all started life as humble IKEA flatpack that got modified into something wonderful.  I especially like the breakfast nook for two.
But, you’ll need light for this tiny hovel, right?  Well, thanks to Gizmodo, you can light your flat with the coolest, freakiest science-fiction lamps ever.  Also, you can use the coolest, hippest, most radically arty light switches ever to turn the lights on.  I thought the pool ball switch was cool for the mini-flat, since it was described as being about the size of a billards table.
But, wait!  There’s more!  Since this flat would be so totally strapped for space, there’d be no room for a rack of cookbooks in the kitchen, er, make that, by the tiny hotplate and microwave.  So, instead, use the coo.boo Digital Cookbook that’s the size and shape of a spatula!
And, finally, in a barely related story, if you can squeeze into the fridge, get out some Ben and Jerry’s Steven Colbert’s Americone Dream ice cream.  No, I’m not making that up, but, also no, it’s not quite available yet.  Yet.

So, there you have it, a geek getting domestic and working on too little sleep.  Enjoy your links and your Friday!
Oh, and don’t forget to vote in the poll!!

I didn’t do anything bad today.

But, I wanted to.
I’ve been craving cigarettes all week, but I haven’t gone and bought any or bummed any.  Nor do I plan to.  Even though I want to chain smoke really badly.
I haven’t had a drink this week.
Oh, I’ve thought about drinking a little 80 proof medicine to “help me sleep”, but I haven’t done it.  I almost bought into the illusion that the drink would help me forget my self-directed anger and my continual embarrassment.  But, the reality is that, even if it did for a few minutes when I was drunk, it’d all come back when I sobered up.  And I’d be embarrassed by having been drunk.
I’ve wanted to pound my fists against something hard in anger and frustration because I just never seem to learn.  But, I didn’t do that, either.

Instead, I cleaned three great, big, black garbage bags of junk my ex-wife left behind out of my house.  They’re by the curb now, waiting to get hauled away.  There’ll be more next week.
And, I made arrangements to join a standing pot-luck dinner at one of my minister’s houses Friday night.  I still don’t know what I’ll bring, but I won’t cook.  I want them to have a good impression that first night, after all.
And, I made a promise to write something for another blogger’s special project.  A project that she’d aimed towards women, until she found out that sometimes men have the same problems women do, even if we don’t talk about them as much.
And, I made an appointment to meet my other minister for coffee on Saturday before church.  Though I have no real idea why, he always seems eager to sit and talk with me.  I must have more interesting spiritual problems than I realized.  Who knew?

So, I did good things today.   I can always do those other things, those things that will slowly eat me up.
But, not today.

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"We are what we think. All that arises is with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make our world."
   --Buddha

I have a dream.

It is a simple dream. No, not winning the lottery, or world peace, or the perpetual motion engine, or even a mythical trip to the Playboy Mansion. No, my dream is that I might get through an entire task without interruption, distraction, mishap, mayhem, or… Sorry, lost my train of thought because the dog started barking at something outside. Now, where was I?

Right, so, Monday, I started out with a few simple bullet items to accomplish. Easy, uncomplicated goals. Just configure a laptop and run a couple of cables out in the shop. Seems fairly straight-forward, doesn’t it? Sadly, those two simple, easy, straight-forward things are still not done, two days later.
Instead, I dealt with spy ware installed on a machine in Bellechasse. A machine that I personally cleaned of spy ware last week. In some cases, deleting, by hand, files and directories and Windows registry entries to kill the offending malware. Two full days I spent on this infernal machine, meticulously cleaning every last scrap of naughty code, only to have it completely reinfected not more than five minutes after it was powered on by the user. Why? Because, no matter how many times I tell my users not to click on any random link they get in e-mail from Bubba Mussolini or Archimedes Hirohito or Kwabena Mieles, no matter how fascinating their offer sounds. Nor should they click on any stupid web page that comes up in a search they can’t imagine would be a problem, no matter how personal it might be. And a guy who’s used AutoCAD for years asked me for help on printing. Me, who’s never so much as opened a drawing in the latest version of AutoCAD, much less tried to send it to a plotter. Naturally, I’ve got him printing in less than thirty minutes.
Then, at home, I made marinara which proceeded to find every piece of clothing I was wearing. That was followed by an attempt at a berry smoothie, made with frozen strawberries, blueberries and raspberries. A smoothie that was so thick and frozen it “poured” like a blender full of half-solid mud. The splash from that minor accident found the clothes that the marinara missed. But, before I could try to stop those stains from setting, I had to hurry and nail up some boards from the fence because my dog had tried to chase a squirrel through the rickety, old thing. Oh, and speaking of dogs, Hilda found something dead and nasty to roll in, after having had a bath Sunday. Now, even though I live far enough away from the city that I pass cows on the way to work, they’re still not in my backyard. Nor am I so close to the projects that she should have found a diaper in the backyard, so what she rolled in, I’m not sure, but, at least now, you have some idea what I was smelling while I tried to get it off her. Again.
(As an aside, I should note that Monday evening, while I was actually having fun installing a blog for a fellow blogger plagued by comment spam, I saw a gecko that was about the size of my pinky scurry across the floor. An hour later, I saw a cockroach by the back door that was at least twice the size of pinky. Who lost the bet with God that allowed roaches twice the size of their natural predator?)

Tuesday, was more of the same, but spiced with visits from phone switch vendors trying to sell me things that I’ve been told I can’t buy. Instead, I have to explain, carefully, to these people that I have two choices for phone switches because a mysterious, invisible “consultant” of some kind, who I’ve never met or talked with, has convinced someone who matters in my company that those are the only two choices that matter. Oh, and the guys in the shop who’ve been waiting on that cable since last week asked about it. And the director of sales needs a photo editor for the Mac he doesn’t want to use, so he can resize pictures to send to clients. And, the engineering department has rehired a former employee, so I need to shuffle people around to get to a computer that has to be totally reconfigured by Monday. (Which is actually an improvement, since I normally get an hour or two’s notice before the guy starts.) And, a giant monitor went out and needed to be replaced. And I have to spec out PCs and a new server, which I’ll have to go install, for that Bellechasse office. And… I’m sorry, something shiny passed by my screen. Where was I?

Oh, right, I should be planning for … Something. Shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t I be planning projects? Planning to improve their IT infrastructure? Something? Who knows. And, what’s more, I don’t have time to worry about it because about the time I have more than two minutes to string together, something else will distract me.
Well, at least they’re still paying me!
But, on the upside, tomorrow night I go in for my last therapy appointment. My head-shrink has pronounced me well. Or, at least, well enough to be turned loose without a keeper, which is all anyone can really hope for, right?

Well, now, if you’ll pardon me, it’s time to head off to work, so I need to put my cup and mouth guard in before I pull on my stain-resistant body armor.
You know, it really didn’t seem like such a big, impossible dream when I got into this business. Ah, well, maybe next year.

Cleaning my house has become a treasure hunt.

Saturday, I was looking for something in the kitchen and found a large quantity of popcorn. Not microwave popcorn, all done up in nice, portioned packages, but two jars and a large bag of popcorn kernels. I stood and just starred at it for a few minutes before the implication sank in that somewhere, most likely in the kitchen, I must have a hot-air popcorn popper. So, naturally, I started rooting in odd, hard-to-reach corners of the kitchen cabinets finding, among other things, an EasyBake oven, a rock tumbler and an ice-cream maker. Oh, yes, and the much desired, though slightly antiquated, Poppery II hot-air popcorn popper by West Bend. I cleaned it, because, well, as I didn’t know I owned it I also had no idea at all where it had been in its travels. Cleaning seemed a rather prudent step, even for a half-mad bachelor with a goat-like stomach who’s favorite kitchen phrase is “Well, it doesn’t smell bad yet…”

Then, however, the question of proper and safe usage began to worry me, so I Googled the Poppery II hoping to find manuals in PDF format on the web. Sadly, none were to be had, but I did stumble across a rather interesting community of home coffee roasters, to whom, the Poppery II seemed to represent a kind of Holy Grail. And, while that might be dreadfully useful and fascinating information for another time, it got me no closer to popped popcorn. So, in the end, I simply plugged it in, filled the scoop-like lid and, praying that I started only a small fire, dumped the popcorn of unknown vintage in.

At first, there was nothing but a loud whirring sound as the hot air spun round and round, then, as if by magic, I was rewarded with an explosive pop. This was quickly followed by another and another. Victory! Then, it became quickly apparent that I had chosen a slightly inadequate bowl as the popcorn overflowed the counter and started to spill on the floor. A minor setback! I had achieved fresh, unsalted, no-butter popcorn! Hmm, that seemed more exciting at the time. In any case, I have quite a supply of popcorn now and I can melt as much, or as little, butter as I’d like. I can also salt as much, or as little, as I’d like. Why, I could even add other flavors! I could douse my hot popcorn in Tabasco, if the mood should strike me! Though, frankly, I’m not sure what could move me to do such a thing to popcorn. Still, when I started cleaning in the kitchen, I certainly didn’t expect to find that.
Not to mention the rock tumbler…

Okay, I know I haven’t lived the cleanest, holiest life, but haven’t I paid for my mistakes yet?

Where have I gone wrong? Why is it that, with all the jobs I’ve had, none of the other network techs looked like this? In fact, why haven’t any of the “guys” in the IT department looked like this? Granted, several of them may have posed for pictures this way, but, none of them quite filled out their wiring closet the same way she does. Well, maybe in my next job…

Oh, and for those of you that need a little extra help in the morning? Thinkgeek finally has all three flavors of Sky Rocket Caffeinated Syrup back in stock. I hightly reccomend the vanilla and mocha flavors. When I do those 20+ hour “simple” upgrades, these are what get me through the next week.

“… Puppy dog tails, that’s what little boys are made of.”

So, really, I don’t have anything to say, but I know that if I don’t post something, people will wonder if the aliens have finally come to carry me away. I keep trying to explain that they’ll get the “special” e-mail from my super-secret automated dead-man switch system if that happens, but, who listens to me? So, instead of anything coherent, y’all are going to get some random snippets in a sort of stream of consciousness update.

I got the Waveceptor the other day, because it was under $30 on a closeout special. So, I’m now on atomic time and not living fifteen minutes into the future. Maybe that’s why I’m so tired?

I made red sauce tonight, but this time I added in a jar of fancy, red peppers, because they were on the shelf and I’d forgotten how long ago I’d bought them. Or, in fact, if I had bought them. And, if I didn’t buy them, who’d put them there… Right, see? Better I should use them now, quick, before they go bad. If they haven’t already.

No word back from anyone about the Craigslist.org post again. No word from the lady in question, in particular. Hopefully, she’ll get word and doesn’t freak out about me still thinking about her. Yes, thanks to my divorce, I worry about being percieved as a crazy stalker, even though I’ve never thought of myself that way before.

My mother has yet to read my blog even though she made such a huge deal about reading it for months before I let her. Parents. Pffft!

I found two writing contests that I’m going to enter. In fact, I started on a story for one, and would be working on it now, if not for my lack of sleep for weeks and a low-level state of delirium. Of course, that might simply add to the atmosphere of surreality and fantasy that I’m trying to capture in my writing.

I sold a William Burroughs t-shirt in my Cafe Press store the other day. But, I’m still not seeing a credit in the store. And, who would buy a XXL black t-shirt with a red silhouette of William S. Burroughs on it anyway?

I’ve almost set up an old Dell laptop for my redneck nephew for Christmas. I hope to get Windows2000 loaded on it for him. I’m working on configuring the WLAN card now, so I can get on-line with it and do updates and stuff. I figure I should try to give him something fairly standard and easy to use, but fun, too.

I was looking at better laptop bags than the freebie I got with the Toshiba. Everything seems like it’s close to what I want, but not quite right. I’ll probably have to go to a store and actually mingle with actual consumers, uh, “consuming” to find the right bag. Then I can pass a bag along to my nephew with the older laptop.

I talked to LK the other day. This “just friends” thing is strange, but kind of cool. Never done it before, with an ex, but it’s sort of nice, really.
Or, I’m delirious.
Whatever.
Okay, time to get the coffee ready for tomorrow and catch some ZZZs.

So, last night I baked her cookies.

What? It’s not like I’m dating anyone, so I don’t have anyone to cook for right now. Okay, so I ran out to the store to get a couple of ingredients that I was missing, but, I’d have done that for a girl, too. I mean, running out at midnight for feminine hygiene products is way more effort than just going to the grocery store for some honey and unsalted peanuts to make cookies for my dog and I did that. Heck, I even had to guess and pick out a yeast infection medication for a woman I hardly knew! And, that was before I married her. So, for my loyal dog? You bet I’ll run and get honey. Besides, the cookies are pretty good. And, yes, they’re another Three Dog Bakery recipe. This time, though, they’re from the Three Dog Bakery Cookbook.

Oh, and I got my iPod back just in time to travel later this week. I’ve already synced my music to it and updated it successfully, so I’m feeling pretty good about killing time in the airport with my Nano and a couple of books. I did notice that the software update has the stuff for the Nike iPod attachment. If you haven’t checked that out, it’s worth looking at. They’ve got the ultimate running accessory there!

Not sure when I’ll get more posting done this week, with all the travel and baking and all. Though, I have a Friday Fun Post all queued up and ready for you while I’m away.
Have a great week and I’ll “see” you when I get back on Monday!