Diary of a Network Geek

In 60 Minutes!
Yeah, I know that sounds a little crazy, but, according to this PDF from the NSA, it can be done. No joke. The National Security Agency doe NOT joke about computer security. Trust me, I would not lie to you about something like that. (Not that I know from personal experience, and that’s the story I’m sticking to!)
In fact, these folks have a bunch of security guides that are freely available on the ‘net. I’m sure the idea here is that computer security is important to Homeland Security which is the biggest buzzword since “synergy”. Whatver the reason, when the NSA offers me security guides for free, I just thank my new governmental overlords and welcome them to my network!

No, I’ll not be extolling their virtues!
I know, I know, I shouldn’t drink, smoke, curse or get “frisky” with loose women. Well, I’m working on it, friends. I am working on it. So far, I’ve done pretty with avoiding the wild women, though, honestly, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll hold out. When they’re so darn good looking and aggressive, it’s hard to resist!
I promise I’ll only drink in moderation, for a change and when the smokes run out, I won’t buy more, for at least nine years. My poor Uncle Chuck, who’s “Deacon for Life” in his Baptist church on the Southside of Chicago would be horrified, I know. Or, perhaps, he’d be secretly envious. He’s hard to read sometimes. Either way, he’d give me the dispairing looks in public, good friends, and loudly disapprove. Certainly, my dear, departed Grandmother would have scolded me mightily. Probably even whacked me with her cane, if I know the hard-nosed Kraut. Then, of course, baked me cookies or suet pudding. (Hey, it’s a family tradition! Back off!)
So, lest you think I heartily endorse these sins of the flesh, I give you…

Cigarettes, Whiskey and Wild, Wild Women
by Tim Spencer, 1947

Dear Friends: A little warning never did anybody any harm, and there are manifold temptations in this world, all of which you would do well to avoid. So let’s sit down and sing together, and learn a little bit about life from the mistakes of a poor sinner who has seen the error of his ways…

(spoken)
A preachment, dear friends, you’re about to receive,
on John Barleycorn, nicotine, and the temptations of Eve…

(sung)
I once was happy and I had a good life
I had enough money to last me for life
I met with a gal and we went on a spree
She taught me to smoke and to drink whiskey.

Refrain:
Cigareets and whuskey and wild wild wimmin
They’ll drive you crazy they’ll drive you insane.
Cigareets and whuskey and wild wild wimmin
They’ll drive you crazy they’ll drive you insane.

Cigareets is a blot on the whole human race.
A man is a monkey with one in his face.
That’s my definition, believe me dear brother,
A fire on one end and a fool on the t’other.

Refrain

Write on the cross at the head of my grave
“To wimmin and whuskey here lies a poor slave”.
Take warning dear stranger, take warning dear friend,
They’ll write in big letters these words at my end:

Cigareets and whuskey and wild wild wimmin
They’ll drive you crazy they’ll drive you insane.
Cigareets and whuskey and wild wild wimmin
They’ll drive you crazy they’ll drive you insane.
They’ll drive you crazy they’ll drive you insane.
Hallelujah brother!

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"There is no failure except no longer trying."
   --Elbert Hubbard

TSR, er, sorry Wizards of the Coast has a new “educational” campaign.
Now, they’ve recruited librarians to the cause. No, really, they have a new program called “Afternoon Adventures with Dungeons and Dragons“. It’s a program designed to give librarians free materials to learn and teach kids D&D after school and then to use that as a jumping off point to more literary adventures.
Actually, it’s not a bad deal. As far as I’m concerned, anything that gets more kids interested in reading or even just going to the library after school is not half bad. I know my own reading and love of the written word was very much fueled by the same things that drove my attraction to D&D. Even today, though I haven’t played in years, I have the new, “Third Edition” rules on my shelf. Of course, I have other, much more obscure games, too, but D&D was pretty much the start of it all for me. (DragonQuest almost was, but that’s another story…)

Anyway, it was a great story to read and brought back all kinds of fond memories. So, in a sad, middle-aged, nostalgic sort of way, it’s the perfect fun link for a Friday.
(And, yes, this is also appearing on my other blog.)

for future generations.
Did I mention in yesterday’s post that I’ve been drinking again? It’s been months since I had any alcohol at all and this past weekend, I bought beer and wine. Actually, the cheap, California red I bought is pretty good. (That would probably horrify an old friend of mine who really knew wine. 🙂 I’m sorry, Larry, I probably have forgotten everything you taught me! ) It’s called Red Truck and I bought it because I liked the label. Yeah, really, that was how I picked it. I’m still working on that bottle. Poor, old Uncle Jim is a light-weight these days. Youth is wasted on the young.
I bought Kingfisher beer, because I hope to experiment with some curry this month. Er, next month. I have fond memories of the “salad days” when I learned to enjoy hot, spicy Indian food which could only be doused by liberal application of Kingfisher.
I’ve also been smoking again. Haven’t done that in years. Well, at least not cigarettes. And, what’s worse, is that it’s been clove cigarettes. I haven’t smoked clove cigarettes in almost nine years. At least I’ve been limiting myself to one a day. That’s one cigarette a day, gentle readers, not one pack. The last time, I was chain-smoking the darn things. And I mean chain-smoking the most hard-core sense, too. Not the namby-pamby, “finish-one-then-pause-before-lighting-another” kind of chain-smoking. I mean I was lighting one cigarette from the butt of the last. It was not pretty at all. Very bad. And, I was doing it in a small apartment. Oh, that was very ugly. All that smoke in a small, confined space. No, it’s better this time. Just one a day, smoked outside in the fresh air. *cough*cough* Yep, that fresh air sure is tasty. Ah, heck, when I’m done with the pack, I’ll stop.
So, I weep for the sad example I’m setting for future generations of network geeks. Don’t be like your Uncle Jim, kids, be better than that.

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"Every calling is great when greatly pursued."
   --Oliver Wendell Holmes

I was at the store with my bitch last night.
Everyone was flirting with her, of course. And spoiling her. Well, I spoil her, too. Last night was no exception. I’m talking about my Hildagard, naturally. I’d never refer to anyone else as a bitch, or quite as fondly.
I like to take her out riding in the car, especiall when we go to PetSmart. There’s weren’t any other dogs there last night, but there were plenty of people who cooed at my little red-head. She was more interested in the treats offered than the attention. And, I think she just about came unglued when she saw me put three rawhide bones into our cart. She got one last night, because it’s been too hot to take our walks and she needs something to keep her busy. The other small one I’m saving for when we have company in a month or so. I expect there will be movers that will get her all wound up, so I’ll want to give her something to keep her extra busy then, too. After that, I hope to have a divorce party and I’d like Hilda to be on her best behavior, so I figured I’d give her the largest rawhide bone then. A house full of people is sure to make her hyper, but I hope a three-foot hunk of rawhide will help calm her down.
I also got her doggie brownie mix. Yeah, that’s right. Carob brownies that you bake at home for your dog. Just add eggs and oil. I figure I’ll be too busy to really make everything from scratch, even for my favorite people, the dogs. But, I know several people who have dogs and I want to let them bring their dogs to this party, too. I have a big enough back yard to let them all run and play. (And, if I have time before hand, I’ll make them something out of Cooking the Three Dog Bakery Way or from Short Tails And Treats From Three Dog Bakery or maybe even from the Three Dog Bakery Cookbook. If pick something I can freeze, I can make it early, then throw it in the freezer and keep it until the party. Of course, I might cheat there, too, and just get the Three Dog Bakery Worlds Biggest Box \’O Beagels – Miniature Variety for all my canine compatriots.)
God, I spoil my dog. But she’s worth it. Hey, here’s a little advice from your Uncle Jim, “Spoil your pets a little. They love you more for just being you than any human being ever will.”

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket."
   --Frank Hubbard

Hmm, this could be fun…
Lately, IBM has been really supportive of Linux. In fact, they have a whole section on their site dedicated to cool things you can accomplish with Linux. The latest of these is an article about how to use Linux to set up a wireless ISP. They suggest setting this up for a neighborhood or office, but I’m sure there are applications far beyond that. They take you through the basics, but, after skimming the article, I sure wouldn’t reccomend this for the Linux neophyte. The article does cover, in brief, all the aspects of this project, including hardware choices, but it focuses on a series of bash scripts written by the author to help you manage your WISP. That’s all well and good, but, of course, limited in scope.
So, why not add all that functionality to a backpack and make yourself a walking “hotspot”. Yeah, that’s not a joke. A guy actually took a backpack with solar panels built into it, added some wireless hardware, and made himself into a roving hotspot.

Now, that’s entertainment! And perfect for a fun, freaky Friday link.

on the Netgeek front…
Mainly because I’ve been packing my ex-wife’s stuff up. It’s amazing to me how much stuff one four-bedroom house can hold! I’ve gotten about one to one-and-a-half rooms done, but I have the upstairs bathroom and the Christmas stuff to sort through, not to mention my step-daughter’s room (ex-step-daughter? Hmm…) and all the kitchen stuff. Oh, and all those damned teapots. 30+ teapots that have to be packed with care so they can survive the trip to where she lives now. Fun. Anyway, if you notice a lack of posts for the next month or so, that’s why. I’m packing up the moldy remains of that dead part of my life. On the upside, though, when I get it all done, I can start on the new chapter of my life without the deadweight!
Well, off to work again, packing…

I finished The Napoleon of Crime : The Life and Times of Adam Worth, Master Thief this week.
This is some of the most interesting non-fiction I’ve read in recent memory. Adam Worth was, indeed, a true master criminal. The book traced his larcenous career from its early start as a serial enlister during the Civil War, wherein Worth “died” and reenlisted several times for the signing bonus through the years as a pickpocket in New York city and on into his larger scale crimes, both in the US and abroad. Interestingly enough, he never used a gun in the commission of a crime. Apparently, Worth found it somewhat declasse and “the last resort of the small-minded”. At his peak, he ran a ring of crooks of all kinds, but maintained such a discrete distance from the actual crime that Scotland Yard could never definitively link him to a crime. They knew he had planned them, but they could never pin one on him.
His “greatest” crime was the one that almost undid him, namely the theft of Thomas Gainsborough’s portrait of the Duchess of Devonshire. At the time, this was the most expensive painting ever sold and Worth stole it to use as leverage to get a compatriot out of jail. “Little Adam”, as Worth was known, was famously loyal to the theives he organized and went to great lengths to keep, or get, them out of jail. That “honor among theives”, which was so rarely seen in reality, was one of Adam Worth’s hallmarks. And another fatal flaw. He almost bankrupt himself at least twice getting crooks out of jail, and his efforts were rarely rewarded with anything more than additional betrayal.
Still, for all his flaws, Worth was an actual master criminal who planned fabulously. He always had theives ready to work for him because his reputation was so good. For most of his working life, if you can call it that, his “jobs” went so smoothly that no one was nabbed, with few exceptions. And, those exceptions were due mainly to the utter stupidity of the crooks in Worth’s employ, including his own brother.
This book tells the story so well, that I almost forgot I was reading actual history. The writing flowed like the finest fiction and, indeed, some of the events were so incredible that one could scarcely believe them. The author, Ben Macintyre, doesn’t focus on dates and highlights the physical locations just enough to get the story across. Instead, he concentrates on what matters in Adam Worth’s life: people. The amazing characters, on both sides of the law, are what drove both this book and Worth’s life in crime. Macintyre brings them to life brilliantly. Frankly, after reading this book, I long for an age when criminals could have been so genteel and not the modern, crude thugs they have become.

I heartily reccomend this book to anyone interested in history or “true crime” or even biographies. Well worth finding and reading, even if you only have a passing interest in these topics.

I named my dog after a saint.
Hildegard von Bingen, to be precise. The patron saint of conlangers and, it turns out, a rather remarkable woman. She was, among other things, a visionary and a bit of a seeress. She came from a wealthy background, but during a time when women were not often educated, so her personal secretary took down Hildegard’s dreams for her. Ironically, the Mother of Conlanging was somewhat embarassed by her Latin. (For those of you just joining the thoughts running through my head, conlanging is short of Constructed Language making. It was Tolkien’s “Secret Vice”.) She also composed music and encouraged everyone to sing praises to God’s glory at a time when such things were considered “unseemly”. She was also, of course, German.
Unfortunately, my Hilda has not been very saintly today. She found something dead and quite ripe to roll in today at lunchtime. I doused her with some babypower, but that didn’t help at all. So, I sprayed her with a little cologne, but, I’m afraid that didn’t do much either. Thankfully, I have a lot of V-8 to soak her in and get that nasty smell out. Well, I’m off to wash the dog and empty the bottle of Ozium throughout the house.
A little advice from your Uncle Jim… Always be suspicious if your dogs or children are too quiet for very long. It means they’re up to no good, whether they’re named after a saint, or not!

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."
   --Elbert Hubbard

No, not at the house, thankfully.
I’ve already lost one drive at the house in recent months, but this was at my webhost. I wonder if they were using one of those crappy Maxtor 80 gig drives, too? Well, anyway, the crash wiped any changes made to the blog after about 9:00am Wednesday morning, so I lost Thursday’s post and comments. And, actually, I lost the comments from Wednesday and Friday, too, but I can recreate them from e-mail. So, I’ll be doing that, but they’ll have today’s date on them. Ah, well, better than nothing, I guess.
I have to admit, I was pretty annoyed when I figured that out last night after the server finally came back up. No warning, either, because it was a disk going bad and a sudden kind of “maintenance” More’s the pity, since I had a post queued for yesterday that was lost in the data burp. And, too, at least one module required by the plugin that generates the graphic text I use for my titles needs to be reinstalled. So, until that gets done, please excuse the less than spectacular titles.

Oh, what was that old post? Well, in short, it was an explanation of why I moderate comments. Honestly, I let most comments through, but I do block the gratuitous spam that my blogs get on a regular basis. And, I block comments from the frankly rude, inappropriate people who feel the need to try and force their views on me. Understandably, they are upset and confused as to why I don’t allow their comments through, but I try to make allowances for their little minds. Still, the communicator in me has the unnatural urge to explain, so, I’ll write it again, only this time, I’ll use small words so they understand. If these “people” want to play at being foul-mouthed, petty, whiners, they can pay to have their own forum to express their insignificant ideas, but I see no reason to pay for some chowder-head to express their nasty, negative delusions about me, or the world in general, on my own blog. Clear enough?

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after."
   --Ernest Hemingway